not sure i want my dh anymore

[hunnybun1981]

sorry this could be a long one!

first off dont get me wrong he is not a bad person, he is a good dad etc etc.

small things area annoying me like he is getting too heavy and unwell and he doesnt want to do anything about it.

he is gets long breaks from work but does nothing bar drink most nights, not getting plastered but all the same drinks.

i dont want him to even touch me at the minute and am happier when he is not here.

he has excused me of having an affair, all be it joking.

i dont know how i feel, i will always love him but just feel like we are stuck in a rut and can not afford to go away or anything.

we r young with 2 children both work

any advice?

talk to each other and, i mean, really talk

down accuse or shout, just speak and LISTEN

it is far too easy to fall into a rut with young children/work and so on

it is sad that you don't want him to touch you - am sure he is picking up on this and it must make him feel upset too

"small things area annoying me like he is getting too heavy and unwell and he doesnt want to do anything about it."

That's not a small thing, that's a big thing. He sounds very unhappy too.

Would you consider Relate? Could he be depressed?

thanks for replies

i have asked him to come with me to the gym i have started going a lot to lose weight and get fit and sometimes it feels like he resents me going even though i have told him to join with his chum, or come with me.

i dont know he is generally a happy go lucky guy.

the drink issue is an on going one, he doesnt drink every night because he does work also, but sometimes i feel the only way to make him happy is to bring some beer home.

i love him i always well he was my first love and he is the dad of my kids, is this
enough i dont know!

sure relate costs money which we dont have
either?

I think he needs to talk to his GP, who could refer him and/or both of you for free counselling.

He sounds from your description like he has a dependency (not necessarily an addiction but he could be an alcoholic, it's not a scientific term) and drinking heavily can be a bad habit that it is easy to get into (I should know, am in process of addressing this myself). Fortunately with willpower and support it can also be broken.

Perhaps he feels threatened by your new lease of life (not saying you shouldn't be going to gym) - you sound like you have been taking stock of things and making changes in your life, and he hasn't.

well his mum was an alcholic and we have had many conversations about my concern, as i say he is not falling over drunk he is still there for me and the kids and is the main bread winner.

i really dont think he is depressed as i would like to think i would know the signs i went through this myself tbh not so long ago different circumstances, but i weaned myself of anti depressents wasnt on them long mind u.

yes i would be happy with him if he had a bit more get up and go and took care of himself more, but i dont want to change him say oh r u having another drink tonight, tbh i dont drink maybe 4 times a year if that, i dont ever want to be like (family members) i have seen and i have 2 children that i need to be there for, i can honestly understand the need for the booze and how it can get a grip on people.

its feels like we have grown apart at the minute but deep down i do still love him

I would try telling him exactly what you said in your last post, no judgment, no accusations, just tell him. See what he says.