Name changer here. I have a 6 month old DS with DH, he is a great Dad but I think he has psychological issues. This is a long one so sorry I want to give you as much info as I can.
Firstly he has this massive fear of our son not loving him and doting on him and loving other people more than him. He makes snide comments to me about how much time he spends with my parents which I can tell you is for about an hour maybe twice a week. He says things like, "he spends more time with his Nan and Grandad than with me" which is bollocks. He works 9-5 Mon-Fri a normal working week and so sees him just as much if not more than other Dads see their kids. When he gives him his food at the weekends he gets pissed off with me if DS plays up (which he does with me too) and says it's cos he is never there and DS wants me to feed him.
I go back to work in a couple of months and I am hoping to drop my hours from 37 to 30 a week so I can have a day off to spend with DS. My salary will obviously decrease by 20% and so I won't have as much cash as before. We used to earn the same (give or take £20 per week) but now he has a better job and will be getting paid around 7 grand more than me. We are putting DS in nursery for a few days a week and poss may ask my Mum to look after DS which we have reservations about for one reason or another, one main reason being that DH already makes nasty comments about how much time he sees his GP so if my Mum has him for a day or two in the week, jesus he would make my life hell. Money will be tight, although I think he thinks it will all be fine without actually having sat down and worked it out properly. I will not be left with any money at the end of the month after all the bills are paid. He says he likes being the bread winner and he wants to treat us but from the impression I got from a conversation we had this morning he now thinks that cos he will be earning more money that he will call the shots with how it is spent, ie. I will have to come cap in hand everytime I need something.
It is now making me reconsider my work plans and I feel like I need to go back full time to earn more money cos I don't like the idea of him having the final say in what we do with our money. He has already organised our summer holiday with his parents at their caravan on the south coast without asking me, whats more he has told them we are going for a week at the beginning and a week at the end of summer, 2 weeks all my summer hoildays with his parents. His excuse is cos we never see them as they live over 100 miles away from us. We will be staying with them for free but even so. I am now concerned that this will be the thing we will do every year cos I won't be earning enough money to maybe go abroad with DS.
He has a problem with grandparents, mainly my Mum and Dad cos they live close by, his GP interfered with his upbringing and his Dad had his nose pushed out and it almost split their family up. I can kind of see how he feels but at the same time I don't think my parents are that bad, they haven't done anything wrong yet. They do have potential to butt in sometimes but I like to think I will keep them in check if it gets too much.
He doesn't want my Mum looking after DS in case he ends up preferring her to him, he even has a problem if they babysit for a few hours while we go to our friends. They looked after DS one night and we fed him and put him to bed when they got to our house, he was fussing which he often does when I put him down and I said to Mum just let him fuss for a while and he will go to sleep in a few minutes. We left to go out and when we got back Mum said "oh he was breaking his heart and he was hysterical so I went up and picked him up and gave him a cuddle I couldn't have left him." When they left my DH said "I bet he wasn't that upset she was just dying to go up there and mess about with him, she probably flew up the stairs the minute the door shut." I can understand what he means I can imagine her doing that but his attitude towards it is always the same. He is ok with her to her face but then I get this when they have left.
He thinks my Mum acts like she is above him in DS life and undermines him and ignores him. I have seen that when he has a conversation with them they interrupt him half way through to coo and make faces at DS, which is quite rude really. My parents love my DH and looked after him for 12 months when he didn't have anywhere to live before we got our house.
I just feel so worn down and I am upset alot of the time at home during the day, how can I deal with this I have tried to reassure him and tell him that our DS loves him because he is his Dad and that he cannot stop other people being involved in his life. I have mentioned counselling to him but he doesn't think he has a problem.