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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Plain honest simple analysis - please!

14 replies

kitkatsfortea · 03/02/2009 10:31

Just need some objective opinions please.

Have a much older sister and am taking my 2 small dc's to stay with her soon, just for a few days. We are going by train but are going to be using her car so I asked if she would mind if I bought 2 booster seats & had them delivered to her house. She wrote back saying there were some very cheap ones on a supermarket website and if they were ok she would order them for me. The ones she meant were the very basic, seat only £20 ones and I like my dc's to have the head protection too - these cost £50 each. I wrote explaining and saying I didn't expect her to pay for them, just wanted to know if it was okay to send them to her house. She wrote back saying she thought it was an awful lot of money but to go ahead if I wanted.

There is a ton of history, much too long to go into, but a lot of it is around me feeling judged and criticised, so am I just being over-sensitive in being upset at what I feel is her disapproval of me spending an extra £60 on car seats?

TIA

OP posts:
SheWillBeLoved · 03/02/2009 10:35

I don't know your history, but to me - it just seems like she was trying to save you some money and pointing out a cheaper alternative.

GossipMonger · 03/02/2009 10:37

I agree with shewill.

You are being oversensitive.

sparklet · 03/02/2009 10:38

Agree with SWBL and I think your history might be clouding things. Not judging you, family relationships can be very complex!

solidgoldbullet4myvalentine · 03/02/2009 10:41

Does she have DC? It might be that she thinks car seat pricing is a bit of a racket (as I do), but she may well have been genuiinely trying to save you money.

Depending on the age of your DCs and whether or not you have a car of your own,she might have a point (I couldn't wait for DS to be old enough for the £10 booster seats to be legal as we are car-free and on the few occasions we had to go somewhere rustic and be given lifts in cars when he had to have one of those toddler seats, the thing was a nightmare to carry around with us) - if the only time you are going to use these seats is on this visit, is it really worth it to pay £50?

Original poster
kitkatsfortea · 03/02/2009 10:42

Well, that's 100% consensus so far! Agree I am very sensistive - this is my first visit to her in over 10 years, but the history includes being physically abused by my brother for years while my sisters basically told me not to make such a fuss

I also compare her reaction to a friend - would a friend tell me it's an awful lot of money or just say 'fine, have them delivered to me'?

OP posts:
Original poster
kitkatsfortea · 03/02/2009 10:44

Solidgold - I know some people don't see the point of car seats but in my list of priorities I would rather do without foreign holidays/dinners out (as we do) and spend money on things like that. I don't expect everyone to do the same, but if that's what I want to spend my money on, surely that's ok? (That might sound as if I'm being argumentative with you - am honestly not!!!)

OP posts:
LongDroopyBoobyLady · 03/02/2009 10:48

I would also add that you might have misinterpreted her intentions/tone if you were "writing" to one another. I think she was just trying to save you some money but obviously know very little of your history.

solidgoldbullet4myvalentine · 03/02/2009 10:48

Kitkats: of course it's your money and up to you, and I appreciate that you have issues with your sister - but FWIW I think some friends might well say the same (some people are more outspoken than others, especially if they have a bee in their bonnet about a particular issue) and it may be more about her opinion of car seats than her wanting to criticize you.
So you should do what you want, but maybe it would make you fel better to percieve what she said as being about economics etc not specifically aobut having a go at you.

Original poster
kitkatsfortea · 03/02/2009 11:21

Okay, will try to interpret her actions as purely for my own good, and not as her judging or criticising me, yet again.

Agree also e mails are very much open to being misconstrued - just less scary than talking to her on the phone

Thank you, all!

OP posts:
Tamarto · 03/02/2009 11:25

You are taking your DCs to visit her yet you are scared to talk to her in person, are you sure you should be going?

I am envisioning an 'interesting' thread on your return TBH.

Original poster
kitkatsfortea · 03/02/2009 11:31

Thanks for your support, Tamarto

OP posts:
Tamarto · 03/02/2009 12:07

You asked for objective opinions not support

mamas12 · 03/02/2009 14:10

Sorry but agree with tomarto opinion. You are already having things going on in your head second guessing the situation, and you haven't even got there yet. You need to look at everything in a new frame of mind now if you are to move forward and give yourself a break and not get so stressed before you even get there.

Broodymomma · 03/02/2009 14:15

Your children your choice if you are paying for the seats. I hope all goes ok with the visit x

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