Advice on whether to finish it with DP please

[sparklet]

Been with my DP almost a year and it was lovely until a month ago and we're going through a rough patch. We've decided to carry on and make a go of it because we have strong feelings for eachother (he keeps telling me how much he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me) and when we are together (once every 2-3 weeks), it's really special. It's a long distance relationship and one of my issues is that there's not enough contact - I think it's essential because in an LDR you don't have the luxury of frequent physical contact and there has to be something to keep the connection strong.

A couple of nights ago I had to raise this with him again (I've told him several times how much I like a quick call or a couple of texts each day but it doesn't seem to sink in). I initiate most of the contact and every time I call he says "I was just thinking about you and wanted to call" - it was nice the first couple of times but now I don't believe him. He got a bit defensive at the beginning of our conversation but we ended up chatting away and signed off amicably.

It's two days later now and I haven't heard from him, not even a quick text, so I suppose he's got the hump (not the first time). I really don't need this, I'm a single mum with a full life and he's supposed to be the icing on the cake. I'm really thinking about knocking it on the head - I don't have the inclination to hang around waiting to see if he'll contact me and see if things will improve. It's hard being in an LDR and we've both got kids as well and I just don't feel he's prepared to make the effort - he seems happy to "go with the flow" (his words). Do I hang in there or move on?

Been with my DP almost a year and it was lovely until a month ago and we're going through a rough patch. We've decided to carry on and make a go of it because we have strong feelings for eachother (he keeps telling me how much he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me) and when we're together (once every 2-3 weeks), it's really special. It's a long distance relationship and one of my issues is that there's not enough contact - I think it's essential because in an LDR you don't have the luxury of frequent physical contact and there has to be something to keep the connection strong.

A couple of nights ago I had to raise this with him again (I've told him several times how much I like a quick call or a couple of texts each day but it doesn't seem to sink in). I initiate most of the contact and every time I call he says "I was just thinking about you and wanted to call" - it was nice the first couple of times but now I don't believe him. He got a bit defensive at the beginning of our conversation but we ended up chatting away and seemingly agreeing on contact and signed off amicably.

It's two days later now and I haven't heard from him, not even a quick text, so I suppose he's got the hump (not the first time). I really don't need this, I'm a single mum with a full life and he's supposed to be the icing on the cake. I'm really thinking about knocking it on the head - I don't have the inclination to hang around waiting to see if he'll contact me and if things will improve. It's hard being in an LDR and we've both got kids as well and I just don't feel he's prepared to make the effort any more (he did at the beginning). Now he's just happy to "go with the flow" (his words). Do I hang in there or move on?

Personally I'd move on.

It's not fair on you having to do all the leg work. Long distance relationships are hard enough, the extra stress of only one person pulling their weight isn't really needed or necessary in my opinion.

Hi sparklet

My DP and I live just 30 miles apart but he works shifts so can make it difficult to see each other sometimes, we spend every other weekend together and usually one night per week. Like you I think that having contact during the time you are not together is very important, even if its just a text.
My Dp and I speak every evening on the phone and also send each other 3 or 4 texts each day too. I would say we both initiate contact equally.

I cant advise you whether to finish things with him but if not having contact with him upsets you and he wont listen to you then there is obviously a big problem and if you cant come to a compromise then i think you are going to end up resenting this.

Thanks. That's the level of contact I'd like too FeelingOld (sure you're not as old as me by the way!) and it should be fairly equal. I'm already resenting it and also the fact that I seem to be doing more of the travelling to see him. Did you have to discuss the contact thing with your DP or did it happen naturally?

I think you shouldn't have to ask someone to contact/text/call you, I sort of think it happens naturally and you fall into a pattern. It might just be that he doesn't need the same level of contact as you and if that is the case, it is something you can live with?

I'd probably just drop my efforts with calling/texting and I'd not mention it at all for a couple of weeks and see what he does or if he bothers about it or even notices. Maybe because you instigate the contact, he is being lazy? Maybe you have to lower your expectations and at the same time, he has to up his game a little - compromise?

Thanks HG and I get what you're saying but because we see eachother so infrequently, I think our relationship has a different dynamic than normal. I need the contact so I feel close to him and without it I'm just not happy. I will however not initiate any contact now and just see what happens.

Sparklet - our conact just kinda fell into place and differs from week to week because of his shifts. Also with the travelling we try to make it 50/50 although some months I do more and some months he does, depends what we want to do and depends on our kids.

Oh and by the way I bet I am way older than you and my DP is 11 years older than me!!

I agree with not initiating contact, he might realise what is like not to recieve texts/calls and start contacting you more. One day last week I was having a mad mad morning and didnt text my DP to say good morning and he text me at lunch time to ask me if i still loved him!!