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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I over reacting?!

5 replies

Kaz1976 · 03/02/2009 07:14

We are in deep financial trouble, talked of bancruptcy earlier in the year.

Husband has issues regading 'deception' and lies.

Yesterday I find Gym Memership payment on his credit card of almost £500. On a credit card that is almost at its limit, as well as owing almost £20 k on other cards (business related so not all personal spending).

He has been lying about where he's going, looking confused when I asked where a new towel had come from when I was washing. Told me he's lost weight through cutting back on food. He's been going 3 times a week for 3 weeks. He's come home smelling of deoderant and when we all noticed he siad its because the office smelt. Its really because he's been down the gym! I asked if he was afraid to tell me because I would moan about the money. He said not, there was never the time to tell me as I'm always busy with the kids. He also claims he was going to surprise me on Friday and show me where he's been going and the workout he's been doing.

I am so cross at his blatant lying. He says he's done nothing wrong!!!

Last night I told him to leave, told him I can't do any of this anymore. The lying, the spending, the deception.

I said there must be another woman involved as he's also started changing his image. He says not on the kids life but I don't believe it.

There is a back history which I won't go into but did I overeact??

OP posts:
bigTillyMint · 03/02/2009 07:19

Sounds strange no to tell you he's joined the gym as DH and I talk about everything (and DH has morphed into a couch potato), but the money thing would do my head in.

posieflump · 03/02/2009 07:22

yanbu , he shouldn't have lied
but I would love for m dh to go to the gym and start losing weight
are you sure you can't afford it? maybe this new initiative will make him more healthy and happy and stop being so deceitful
I don't think it's worth leaving him over

nickschick · 03/02/2009 07:26

Well theres a lot of issues going on here,it sounds like you are both having a hard time,hes perhaps losing face because of the business and you are desperately pulling everything together to try and coast clear.

I dont know the ins and outs but I do suspect theres a lot more going on than you divulge and his because of this extreme whopper of a fib.

I dont know if telling him to leave is the way to go....you really need to talk.

mumoverseas · 03/02/2009 08:22

No, you did not overeact. Aside from the fact that you are hugely in debt and therefore presumably can't afford the gym membership, he should not have lied to you. It doesn't necessarily mean that there is someone else involved and maybe he is just trying to make himself feel better about his image but the lying is unacceptable.
Sadly, my exH was like this. Constant lies all the time, many of which were stupid little lies but they all added up and after a few years I couldn't put up with it anymore. I think the most (or one of the most) important aspects of a relationship is trust.

CreativeZen · 03/02/2009 08:37

I think the fact that he is prepared to lie about going to the gym points to a character which cannot be trusted. Why has he suddenly decided that losing weight and looking better is so important that he is prepared to spend a not-inconsiderable amount of money that you can ill afford? I can understand why you might think there is another woman in the picture.

If the trust is gone in your relationship, can it be saved?

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