worried that we wont be able to stay friends after the baby arrives

[SalBySea]

I have a friend who already has 3 DCs. I have one on the way. I enjoy her company most of the time but am worried that I will loose my cool with her and ruin it when my baby arrives.

You see she is openly very critical of every other parent she knows, to their faces and behind their backs. Always saying what other people are doing wrong and how she did it right. Sometimes when she does this I play devils advocate a bit and defend these other inferior parents but mostly I just brush it off and change the subject

But how will I continue to brush it off when it is my child and parenting she is criticising? I am quite fiery and react now - think later. I KNOW I shouldn't take it personally if she does this to me as she does it to everyone else but in the moment I fear that I will tell her what I really think (but would normally never dream of saying), which is that I actually think she is the worst parent I know, things she does and says she does make me cringe and her middle child is the most unhappy child I know, why cant she see that the child is so unhappy?

I dont want to do that!

I'm sure a lot of competitive parenting and snipey comments go on so was wondering if any of you "old hands" can share any tips, any little flippant things that you say to brush these things off? As I'm sure she is not the last mum I'll come across who behaves like this to other mums so I am wondering if any of you have any clever one liners that shut them up so you can change the subject when you get criticisms barely disguised as advice?

She doesn't sound very pleasant... personally I would drop her. You will meet other new mums when your baby arrives so you will make other friends. When you baby first arrives the last thing you'll need is to be constantly worried that someone is secondguessing and criticising all your parenting decisions.

But I like her when the topic is anything other than parenting

I'd drop her now tbh if you suspect she might be even slightly critical of your parenting. When you're a new parent it's like wading through mud and your self-confidence is paper-thin. The last thing you need is someone telling you you're doing rubbish. You need loads of people who lie tell you how well you're coping.

Could you try and pre-empt it now?
When she says something about somebody else say back 'God, I hope you dont say things like about me when my baby is born as we wont be friends for long if you do!' in a half joking sort of way, but mention it enough so the point gets made!

Like 2.4's idea

2pt4 I kinda did that last time I saw her

she was complaining about how older working mum friends of hers are rubbish because they "are so used to having things their way that they cant cope when children change their lives" and how she manages to do everything whilst running on adrenaline but these older mums just "dont bother"

I am older than her. I work, she has never worked, nothing long term or taxing anyway.

I replied (and was backed up by the rest of the room) that it has nothing to do with older mums not wanting to do things and not wanting to change when children arrive, and more to do with AGE, you loose the "running on adrenaline" abilities you have in your early twenties, and she will too.

I dont think it sank in at all, she was in her little perfect mum bubble and wouldnt entertain any other opinions

was about to write exactly what 2pt4 had said!!!

Just keep reiterating that you wont tolerate her talking about you like that when she makes comments.

If she doesn't see her own comments as so bad as to be friendship-breaking, she should be thick-skinned enough to take a few hefty snipes at her own parenting. Play her at her own game. If she can't take some of the same back (as well as realising/remembering how tough it is when your a new mum) then she's just a bully and not worth worrying about/wasting time treading eggshells with.