Why women (me) put up with men (an ex) who make you feel crap?

[eNABlemetobebetter]

I would never let anyone else do this to me.

Absolutely no idea NAB - I did it for just over 11 years. I think (towards the end) trying to make it work for DS. But then the strong woman that I am came out and I thought f**k it, you're not ruining my life any more and I left. 7 years on I've never been happier - just gutted I didn't do it earlier.

What's he done?

It is just someone who won't be straight with me.

Because we live in hope thats why

Sad but true

My goodness. VT, I think you are right.

is this the guy you weren't going to contact again or another old friend?

It is rather predictably one of my exes. I just don't understand why I want him in my life when he has caused me so much pain. It is more about hme than him I think.

Nab, are you getting any counselling yet? Because you really, really do need some. I think the bad stuff that has happened to you in the past has distorted your thinking pretty badly on the subject of men and relationships. (I only know this from reading your threads BTW, I do not know you IRL). You seem to be either choosing complete tossers because at some point you were socialised to think that only tossers are desirable - or you are wanting far more from specific individuals than they are willing or able to give you. No relationship is going to fix you, only proper counselling and time will do that - but it is well worth doing.

I have an ex like this - we were childhood sweethearts and then were together briefly a couple of years ago. Until I found out he was engaged and hadn't mentioned it to me

He lied both to me and to others about me, and for a very long time afterwards I felt ashamed of what had happened. I avoided certain places and people, I shrank inside every time I saw him out and about, I felt I had done something very wrong... No man has ever made me feel the same weakness, shame, desperation - not even my DD's father after he walked out on us.

But the most ridiculous thing is, that until very recently I would still have taken him back gladly had he turned up at my door.

All I can say is, it does pass. Honest. Over the last few months it has started to lift, I have started to feel angry with him for deceiving me, rather than ashamed of myself for being deceived. Still not exactly 'over it' but a damn sight better! It takes time but it does heal.

I am seeing the GP tomorrow - if I can get there with the snow.

I have so many things going round in my head and I just don't know where to start.

I agree with solidgold, 100%.

I know why I fell for this particular ex and why I put up with stuff from him that I would never take from anyone else. Have no idea why I am still letting him hurt me.

If you can identify what particular thing about him makes you not want to let him go I think that would help you to start to make sense of it.