My brother is living with us, how do I get rid of him as we need his room? This is kind of long

[Linnet]

My DH and I have finally decided to try for baby #2. It's taken us 3 years to both agree to this child and now I'm happy and so is he. We only have one little problem though. My brother lives with us.

We live in a 3 bedroomed flat, that came to me when our mother died 6 years ago. When she died my brother who was a teenager at the time lived with her and when Dh and I moved in with our 5 month old daughter it was fine for him to stay with us. I wasn't about to put him out on the street and there was plenty room for the 4 of us.
Plus we thought he'd get a flat of his own in a few months anyway.

How wrong we were. 6 years down the line and he is still with us. Most of the time he isn't any trouble at all. He pays his share of the rent and bills and he works full time and is out more often than he is in. But he shows no interest in moving out. He often jokes about it but never actually does anything about it.

Now that Dh and I have decided that we want another child we really need him to move out as we will need his bedroom.
I know you're all thinking why don't we just tell him to move out but believe me we have tried dropping hints and he's just not taking them. He's actually quite bad with money and I keep explaining that if he saved a little each month he could easily afford to move out but he won't do it. But once he's paid his share of the house he just goes out and spends the rest. I understand that he's entitled to do that seeing as it's his money but I still think he should be thinking about saving some of it so that he can move out eventually.

Dh and I want to start trying for a baby in the summer but I don't want to actually tell anyone we're trying . I'd rather wait until we're pregnant before telling anyone just in case it takes a long time to conceive.

Does anyone have any ideas on how we can persuade my brother to move out into his own place without actually telling him that we plan to have another baby? If it comes to that we will tell him but if anyone has any other ideas please let me know.
thanks

So hes about 22ish??? I think that you will have to take the bull by the horns and just say that you want him to move out, no hints, just the truth.
Maybe you could say that you plan to have another baby at some point and would like his room. Saying that, could you not wait till you are pregnant and say that, because of the baby, he will have to move out. It will give him 8 months to find a place.
My cousin lived with us for 2 years and when DD1 was 4months old, I told him he had to move out, he found a bedsit and moved in within a month.
Sorry can't give great advice

When you say the flat "came to me", do you mean to you alone? Or did your brother get a share in it too? If not, did he get any dosh or anything from your folks that he could use as a means to move out? If neither is the case, would it be worth offering him a sum of money as a starter for getting his own place? Strikes me also that he might be seeing you as in loco parentis and thus not realising that you don't want him there forever... I do realise that you've probably sacrificed a lot to look after him and bet that he's highly lucky in that, but wonder if he will need reassurance that you love him loads and also a financial boost, now he's on his own as an adult?
As long as there are no dividing the flat/money/estate issues, would be tempted to go with Mieow's suggestion of broaching the issue once you are pregnant and, in addition, making sure you let him know how much you love him, while making it clear that it's time for him to move on.
HTH.

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Thanks for your comments everyone.

Knowing my brother as we do we decided to broach the fact that we were thinking about another baby to let him know that he should start saving now for the future, figuring it would give him a lot longer to save money.

It turns out that he is in a bit more debt than we originally thought which makes things even harder.

The flat we live in is rented and came to me because I was the oldest and he was not old enough to take on the tenancy. Otherwise we would have stayed where we were at the time and he would have kept the flat. He has no share in the flat as we don't own it and it is in my name and my name alone.

any money that he did get when our mother died has long gone, like I said he is not very good with money.

WE have worked out our money and we can easily afford to survive without his input even with another mouth to feed. I like the idea of saving some of the money that he gives us each month towards helping him with a deposit of a flat but I think at this age, he is 22 nearly 23 he needs to learn how to handle his own money and stand on his own two feet. But that is something that I will think hard about and discuss with dh. If I knew that he would pay back the money I would lend him money for a deposit etc on a flat but with his track record I know that he would not pay it back.

I guess I'm looking at the situation in a way to be cruel to be kind.

thanks once again and I'll post the outcome if there ever is one.

Have you tried your local council??? Maybe they can help your brother.

It appears that as long as he has the comfort of living with you then he won't face up to his responsibilities and get his finances in order. Like you say, you are going to have to be cruel to be kind. I think you might have to sit down with him again and make him realise that you are serious about him having to move out and go through the options of where he will go ie show him newspapers with property rentals etc,. He needs to start getting his finances in order so in a few months time he will be ready to move. The best option for someone young is to share with others his own age and it's the cheapest. Just to keep the peace you might have to help him financially even it means saving his rent for the next few months - don't let him know that though as he'll probably depend soley on that. There comes a time when we all have face reality none of us like that.