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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What is he feeling..?

10 replies

farmaaparmaa · 26/01/2009 14:34

Mine is a long story, this is the short version..

DH and I seperated a year ago after a turbulent few years, we were married and have 3dd's. I basically have put up with a lot from him and was repaid in a violent abusive way. The thing is I loved him and I think part of me always will.

Both of us have new partners now and things had moved on, just lately, I think about him a lot and I miss him. Divorce is difficult and all communication has been through solicitors. I deicded that I would call him last week and try once more to get him to talk (things been difficult over child contact, 2 properties, etc). He agreed, we had a good chat on the phone and he told me that he is still bitter about what happened, he is very angry and as much as he tells me he loves the OW, I just can't believe him. She is complete opposite of me and older.

I just can't work him out, I'm trying to suss out how he feels about me. He keeps me on the phone and he still gets upset about our life together. He sees the older DD but not the younger twins, purely because of distance we live apart and their age, etc.

I just want to know how he feels

OP posts:
MadameCastafiore · 26/01/2009 14:35

I wouldn't revisit it all to be honest - get on with your new life now.

theresonlyme · 26/01/2009 14:45

What about how you feel?

beanieb · 26/01/2009 14:47

He tells you he loves his OW, so I would say that he must. Just because you think she's not the sort of person he could love (For whatever reason - her age etc?) doesn't mwan you are right. Do you ask him questions about his relationship?

If I were you I would keep it as friendly as you can for the sake of the kids but get on with enjoying your new life with your new partner!

warthog · 26/01/2009 15:32

i really think you're well out of it. remind yourself of the worse bits.

i thought i'd love my ex forever. 5 years down the line i really don't.

farmaaparmaa · 26/01/2009 16:12

I know I should steer clear, I just keep thinking the what ifs about it all. Why do I suddenly miss him so much? I had awful pnd and counselling it was in the counselling I realized I could not take any more. I took anti depressants and felt better now I'm through it all I just have this urge to go back.

He has told me before that he regrets getting involved with her, but for other reasons can't end their relationship.

I just want to forget I really do, I wish I could stop loving him.

OP posts:
theresonlyme · 26/01/2009 16:17

I hate what ifs too.

If you really feel like you want to give it a go it has to be without him still being with the OW.

farmaaparmaa · 26/01/2009 16:47

I know...nothing would ever happen in the current situation, realistically I could not put my dd's through it. Whilst the older one would be delighted if it went wrong again it's just not fair on them. I know I have to just get on with life now and try and forget about him in that way.

For everything I forgave of him over 14 years he could not forgive me a bout of depression. Sad really.

OP posts:
farmaaparmaa · 26/01/2009 16:47

I know...nothing would ever happen in the current situation, realistically I could not put my dd's through it. Whilst the older one would be delighted if it went wrong again it's just not fair on them. I know I have to just get on with life now and try and forget about him in that way.

For everything I forgave of him over 14 years he could not forgive me a bout of depression. Sad really.

OP posts:
lessonlearned · 26/01/2009 19:33

FWIW, I think 'going back' is just another version of 'the grass is greener' - you see both with rose tinted specs.
I'm sure someone will be along to challenge me on this, but in my experience, when a relationship is over, it's for a good reason. Sometimes in reflection it's easy to underplay that reason and think 'if this' and 'if that' but it's really a revisiting of your grief for the loss of the relationship you wanted it to be at the begining - not the relationship it ended up being in RL.

warthog · 26/01/2009 19:39

absolutely lessonlearned.

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