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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Officially single :'(

4 replies

Ace100309 · 25/01/2009 10:18

Hey all, this could be a looooooong one!!

Some of you may have read a previous post of mine where I said that I hadn't heard from my boyfriend all week after I asked him to put petrol in the car after he used it. He went off on one about why should he put petrol in MY car after HE used it. I then lost my patience and told him that he should think about what he says sometimes as I had paid for everything for the baby and not asked him for anything.

Anyways, after nothing all week, I thought I would go to his flat last night and see what was up. He was in cos the lights were on and I was stood out in the cold buzzing down his door. He could hear it and was just ignorning me. I guess he was hoping I would get bored and go but oh no. I stood there buzzing until he eventually not let let me in but came to his entrance door. He was like "what do you want?" I said "ur not gonna let me in?" and he just repeated "what do you want?". I said "is there someone in your flat?" He said no and pushed the door open to prompt me to check. I looked inside (like some crazed bunny boiler) and there was no one there. Before anyone suggests there is no way out of his flat other than the front door so I would have seen if he had ushered someone out. Anyway, he asked me again what I wanted and I said "I havent heard from you all week" He said "Yea cos you were talking to me like I was a pussyhole and now you show up at my flat uninvited and interegate me" I said "you have the keys to my flat and can just come and go as you please and you have the adacity to tell me I am comin to ur flat uninvited??!" He said "i'll give you ur keys back and I wont come to your flat"

By now I was cold and feeling like shit and couldn't be bothered to argue with him or try and make him see things from my perspective so I just turned and went. I started walking home and he called me back but I just kept walking. He caught up with me and started telling me that he doesn't like my "finger clicking, Destiny's Child, Independant woman shit" i.e. from when I told him I had bought everything for the baby. He then said "you wanted to go through with this" i.e. the baby, implying that he didnt. He said "you said you would take care of everything financially and you know my situation and I dont need you throwing it back in my face" He told me he thinks he'll be better off alone and just coming to see the baby when he can and that he'll be round to pick up his things from my flat and give me my keys back and he also said that this is a "write off" and any chance of him moving in with me has gone forever.

I feel so hurt and lonely and wonder why I sacrificed so much for him. The only consolation is that soon my son will be born and I will have someone to love and devote my time to. I moved to London to be with this man and I have no family around me and I only have my work friends in London and a few others. I feel like a fool for investing so much when I havent had even 30% back. I feel like selling my flat and moving somewhere else. There's no point being here anymore.

I have saved money and bought everything for the baby and been working through different budgets for when the baby is here to make sure I can afford everything without asking him for anything but its not fair. I just hope that I meet someone else in the future who will love me the way I love and wont be put off that I have a child by another man.

Sorry this is so long.....

OP posts:
PlainOldPeachy · 25/01/2009 10:30

Goodness what a prat

You are way too good to waste on someone like that, youm will be wonderful and loving mother and will meet someone far better when the time is right for you.

And make sure you go to CSA., he might not have work (has he? ) now but he might one day and 'you wanted this' does not equate to 'therefore I have no responsibilities left'

CONDOMS: use them or pay out, mister

You'll be fine. Cry and mourne now, and it'll pass.

mankymummy · 25/01/2009 10:37

I split with my ex a few weeks before DS was born. You will be ok, you'll go through days of hating him and hating the world for being in this situation but at the end of the day you will have your beautiful DC.

I look at my DS now (he's 3 and a half) and feel immensely proud I've done it on my own. And that he hasnt had to put up with me and ex arguing.

It will all be ok. honestly.

lucylue · 25/01/2009 10:40

he is not an honest man.

Servalan · 25/01/2009 11:04

The guy is a dickhead of the highest order and is behaving like a petulant child. You on the other hand sound fab and strong.

You've invested lots of effort into making sure that things are in place for when your son arrives, and for that you should be mightily proud. I bet you're going to be a great mum.

So sorry you're going through this and that he has hurt you. You deserve so much better

Agree, go to the CSA. It takes two to make a baby - presumably he was there at the conception?!!! Well then, time he took some responsibility!

All the best for the birth of your son. When you get out of the other side of this, I wish you all the happiness you and your son deserve.

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