Feeling devastated, is there a way back?

[lovesmenot]

Name changer as DH knows my posting name and I don't want him to find out I have been talking about this.

DH delivered the blow that although he loves me and cannot imagine being without me, He is not in love with me...

I knew things were shaky at the moment, but feel my heart is breaking.

Please tell me positive stories of people who have been through this and are ok now

and in

I think you can definitly build on this and become stronger as a couple

There is a fantastic book on this very subject by a relate called 'I love you but I'm not in love with you'

I would seriously reccomend getting it and both of you reading asap it. You are both obviously commited to each other that's a fantastic basis to start from

I wish you all the luck in the world getting things back on track

Thanks for the suggestions, will definately ask in style and beauty. As don't want to spend money that will not get me the look I want.

Immortalbeloved, I will look up that book now

are you CAT able?

Yes I don't pay for cat but can recieive them.

to be honest i think its not uncommon for couples to feel like this i've said the same to dp before and i felt it too as he wasn't helping seemed to not appreciate me our lives seemed to be the same day in day out no excitement no effort but i did love him just didn't feel in love anymore sometimes not feeling in love doesn't mean your not but the excitement has gone it feels mundane and even though sex isn't important it brings closeness

we made conscious effort to make more effort more kisses and cuddles talk more not sit in different rooms try and do more together id try to stem my moans and miserableness and be more cheerful and it worked we were both genuinely happy it does slip and same feelings return but we know its just we need to spend more quality time together and appreciate each other more

i do tend to feel run down alot and do seem to always be moaning about it so im not being that exciting fun girl he knew when i don't go on about it and spend more time talking about other things i think he likes me more

he has said to me before he wants to come home greeted by a smile not me moaning about how i feel etc as he hears it every day guess i have nothing else to talk about lol if i give him kiss and cuddle and snuggle on sofa it works better and sets a nice evening

i guess sometimes we have to step back and look at what we do i didn't realize i did these things and was quite embarrassed by it and now i make conscious effort to be more fun and happy it makes me feel good too

life throws alot of poo at us and love takes different stages but the one thing that needs to stay is making time for each other to keep you on the same path when it does all change good luck were back to being kids again now im sure in a week we wont be but the fact is we still can

oh yes i often change my style in clothes to make me feel better get more flattering clothes to show my best bits and hide my bad bits does wanders for your confidence and men just love confident women my dp loves it when i smarten up and put make up on he thinks i look extremely good i don't do it often or he'd get bored seeing it every day lol

Oh lovesmenot, forgive me but I'm actually a little envious of your situation. Your husband has been so honest and has said he wants to try. How I wish my H had done the same justice to our marriage... Don't want to hijack your thread but he just dumped me two days before I gave birth by ECS and he'd been having an affair. I feel not only cheated on but cheated out of my marriage as I wasn't given any warning regarding his changing feelings and therefore feel I wasn't given a chance. All does not sound lost in your case, your DH is talking about it and I think even if you give it your all and still can't get the spark back at least you can both end it together knowing you gave it your all.

buickmackane

buick is so right - you are in a good position - he is communicating with you and you have a great opportunity to make things better

marriage does take effort - we know this - however well you get on sometimes we have to stop, think, write a list of things that may make it better, think about how you would 'woo' or spoil your partner - i say this after ten years of marriage and boy we have had to put the effort in but it has been worth it

imagine you were dating your dh - what did you do when you met? meet him after work for a drink? go to see a play/gig/film? write down what you used to do and make it a number one priority - find a babbysitter and go out once a week - nearly everyone i know does this and we all have young children and not loads of money

believe me separating is much more expensive and hassley - def worth making the effort right now!!

Buickmacane for your situation, you are right I am very fortunate that DH values the marriage and wants it to be a success.

Action plan

1. Dinner out tonight, to keep the conversation open
2. shopping trip with DH, lunch out
3. organise regular babysitter, for going out just with DH, or quiet night in( phone, computer and tv off) if unable to manage
4. keep talking
5. list positives in relationship, as a focus
6. reassess everything in 3 months to see where we are.- hopefully in such a good place that we feel we don't need to evaluate,-,but will do so anyway

I like your list it sounds very positive. When DH had gone, I spoke to a friend who had instigated a divorce (no children) and she explained that she had felt that her not-so DH had just got a bit boring and stuck in a rut. She suggested that as well as talking, making space for romance ideas, I should try making some time to think what I wanted from life and to look forward. I actually did that (partly to have something to do in the evenings when DCs were asleep and I didn't want to talk to friends about the "situation". I was working part time in my old job, but had lost enthusiasm for it it was child-friendly so I wanted to stick with it while the children were young, but I began to look into other careers and to take (small) steps towards preparing for something new.
My (never high) confidence had taken a battering when DH left and he had also said some hurtful things about my appearance etc.
Doing something - however small- that reawakened "me" was good for me. It also helped me feel in control of a small part of my life. Maybe something like this could help you gain another perspective on yourself plus be a bit of a confidence boost

Good luck tonight - I hope it goes well.

lovesmenot - that sounds great (hes in to shopping? he is a rare creature indeed - well worth spoiling!)

try to have lots of fun and good luck x