Husband secretly dating while aparently trying to reconcile

[hurtandfoolish]

Have namechanged for this. Me and dh seperated aprox 9 months ago , this was mostly due to his bad behaviour.We stayed on reasonable terms even having a holiday together and frequently spent time as a family .

He would often suggest a desire to work things out , i would consider this and then we would behave in such a way that i would rethink it.

For a while now i have felt that things are not right and have become suspicious. I have asked him calmly about it and hes denied it.Ive recently found out that in fact , he IS seeing someone and while doing so he has made repeated attempts to get me to accept him back into the family home , although i feel these were half hearted attempts and therefore declined.

I feel hurt and used ,not sexually as that has not happened , but i feel used emotionally and as though hes been laughing at me. Have also wasted time when i couldve moved on.

As of now i no longer want to have any contact with him . Has this happened to anyone else ? Why do they do this instead of just being honest ?

Because he wants to have his cake and eat it and he thinks he can get away with it.

I'm sorry that you're going through this, but in your situation, i'd kick him into touch and thank my lucky stars for a narrow escape.

oh im so sorry your going through this.
I know it feels like a double betrayal.
After finding out about an affair we decided to try and make a go of the marriage and then I found the relationship was continuing despite going to relate - planning our future etc.
I think some people think they can do exactly what they want with no regard to the consequences. Howvever you will get through this horrible time.
You will be happy again

In the long run he has done you a favour by showing his true colours. He may keep trying to fool himself but now your eyes are open.
He does not want to admit he is a git and his family will hold him accountable. Having talked you round from your original position just confirms that his family is nothing more to him than a prop to make him feel good. He is willing to sacrifice your wellbeing for his own and now you know it you need to take steps to protect yourself and DCs from further hurt.
I'm so sorry for your pain but it confirms that you were right all along.

Fingers burned and lesson learned.

You gave the bloke a chance, he betrayed that opportunity, cut your losses.

If a person really matters and really means something, they put the effort in. Try with half an expectation and you have half the chance of success.

While I think that being confrontational is a way of getting back at the person, perhaps claiming that things don't feel that they are working and call the attempting of. Everyone is clear about where they stand.

Initially, you sound like the instigator, but those who stand and watch, generally laugh right at the end. Sometimes not answering is also an answer.

If you and he did manage to get back together, the change of you trusting him again is almost zero.

There is no point in flogging a dead horse....

Thanks ladies , i know you are right but feel incredibly angry that i have let him continue to enjoy family life with us to some extent .

Feel as though everyone knew but me and everyones laughing at me . Worse than that although he was claiming to love me just a few weeks ago he last spoke to me in a horrible way and was very smug , didnt apologise.
Feel so angry its unbeleivable..i am now amazed at what an efficient liar he is and am wondering if our whole marriage has been a fake.

i know its horrible - but you are lucky you found out now. Use the anger to work towards sorting yourself out and building a happier future for you and your children.
I have learnt the hard way, and was in almost exacally the same position as you, except i went one futher and moved back in with him ( and 70 miles away too) i gave up my house, job, childcare and family. And in just 3 short months it all unravelled and he had been ' keeping his options open' the whole time. The whole thing ( and it took 2 years to build up enough trust to move back in with him) had been a total lie.
be pleased you have found out now and can more on and have not wasted 2 years like i did.

Funnily enough hes been talking about moving away " for a fresh start " and even another baby ! Sounds pathetic but am so shocked im still wondering if ive got this wrong and its a misunderstanding although i know it isnt as hes been literally caught red handed.

Think im struggling to come to terms with the end as despite everything i really had hoped that we could reconcile .This is the last thing i expected.

Pass the award for the worlds most naive.