How often does your DP call/text you?

[kat63]

If you don't live with your DP, how often does he call or text you? I like more contact than my DP - he's quite happy to leave it 2-3 days but I like a quick call/text every day. He's very attentive in other ways so I've told myself it's not because he doesn't care, but it's not working! If I don't contact him, he'll contact me eventually but I can't help feeling a tad pissed off. He's quite happy with texting in general and when we do get on the phone he often wants to talk longer than me.

I've mentioned it calmly a few times but it doesn't make any difference. I only see him fortnightly as well because he lives hours away and for me that makes contact even more important. I'm not insecure or needy and suppose I either have to put up or shut up but would be interesting to compare my situation with others. We've been together nearly a year.

Kat have you looked at the LDR thread on lone parents?
the level of contact is one of the issues discussed there

thanks,ASBM, will do.

i think that you will relate to alot of it

I'm supposed to be going to see him tomorrow - feeling like I can't be arsed but we need to talk. Looking at the thread, you had a talk with yours ASBM - was it face to face or over the phone? It's just the thought of having "a talk" and being 3 and a half hours drive from home if it all goes tits up and I want to leave! Wonder if maybe I'll just call him tonight and if that goes OK I can still go and see him.

was going to tell him but the last time i saw him i'm afraid to say that i bottled it as i felt sorry for him
he has had alot of stuff to deal with of late
then i decided that i would tell him the next time i saw him for sure
he knew what was coming as i received texts to that effect
so he's been avoiding me ever since
so in my mind he's as good as told
and yes totally agree with you about not being arsed to talk
i felt like that
did enough talking within the confines of marriage lol!
i can do without men who are hard work now i have enough in life to think about!
can't he meet you halfway in a neutral place?
i wont

Cheers asbm! We were going to meet halfway and then he got flu and he's still under the weather. This has made me realise I just want to have a nice, uncomplicated and hopefully romantic time and if it gets all drama-filled, I'm off. As you say, have had quite enough of that in my marriage. You sound a lot like me, a strong but warm woman who is learning what she needs to be happy and won't settle for less.

er yes in a word!!
out of interest has this always been LDR?
and did you meet online?
it just got me thinking about my exb that's all

Yes always LDR and we did meet online. Together so far 9 months. Mine also had lots on his plate - fears of redundancy, problems with gormless teenage son etc. Where's the fun in that?

I get a text first thing in teh morning saying "morning princess/twinkle/little one x"

then i will get a couple of texts throughout the day and a call while he's driving home (from teh hands free)

then texts all evening and maybe a call at night.

If i dont get a text by about 10am i think there's something wrong.

oh i dont know Kat were you like me and thought LDR would be great as you didn't want another 24/7 job
i also thought that my wanting that was better for my children etc
i now realise that actually it was a halfway thing for me probably done out of a fear of commitment on my part
i also can see that from his POV that i was ideal because i seemingly wanted the same thing and that actually we were both emotionally unavailable
im not for one minute saying that a LDR can't work because i believe that it can
but i think some sort of ground rules need to be established as it were

Mamazon
LOL!!

Kat & ASBM (or indeed anyone else with similar questions):

What are your DPs like when they do get in touch?

In my previous LDR, my XP never called for even half my sake, but when he had nothing else to do. For example, this was often when he was walking from work to the bus stop, coming out of the pub alone drunk! etc. Inevitably the call was always all about him and his day or evening before I could ever get a word in to share mine, by which time he had to go because his bus/taxi had arrived!

While he was abroad for a few weeks, I could also see he was online on social sites we were both members of, not doing anything in particular, but he never bothered to get in touch with me for days at a time because he didn't need to, regardless of my own needs. When he did it went as above and I ended up feeling very used.

Basically my point is that I hope your DPs aren't like that, but these are some of the many reasons mine is an XP...

lol @ NPAM!!
he wasn't that bad but he was crap partly as he had been on his own for a long time
and i think he is just so out of touch with dating and women in general
really he isn't in the right place to be doing it and will carry on with the same pattern of behaviour.
and yes to a certain extent our 'arrangement'
if you can call it that worked well for me.
i wouldn't rule out another LDR but i would have to be seriously into a man first
i wasn't really into him
hence why he's an exb!

Kat how did you get on?

Thanks for asking - we actually had a lovely weekend, he's so warm and loving and eventually on Sunday night I got round to talking about the contact issue. Basically I told him the LDR thing is hard enough and that I need regular contact, so either a call or text to say goodnight. He was fine about it and promised so we'll see....I've decided anyway that if he's not a bit more forthcoming I don't think I'll be able to continue because I'll feel like I'm giving more than I'm getting.

I've just got to work (which is obviously why I'm on here!) and am exhausted after a late night (!) and then 3 and a half hour's drive. We have such a lovely time together and I know he really loves me but I feel like I have two lives and he has no money right now and has a slave-driver of a boss who's making him work Saturdays. And that means it's unlikely that he'll be able to come and see me for a while, so all one-way traffic if we want to spend any time together. What to do, oh what to do!

thats nice to hear
i do hope that he makes the extra effort for you
and i suppose that it is very much about give and take,even more so with a LDR
at least you have given him the ground rules of what you expect
do let me know how you get on!