Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

help me deal with the hairs which rose on my neck on hearing my MIL to be will be staying!

10 replies

ithinkshesgreat · 22/01/2009 10:33

Have name changed!

I absolutely love my mother-in-law to be. She's cool and funny and really good fun to be around but lives abroad so I have only ever spent time with her while on holiday visiting her.

My OH and I are getting married this year and she is naturally coming along. Her own mother lives here and so I assumed that she would be staying there.

Last night my OH told me that he had told her she can come and stay at our house for a couple of nights and, even though I am regularly annoyed by people on mumsnett freaking out about their in-laws, I felt all the hairs on my back rise and panic set in.

I quickly managed to give myself a talking to and just said 'oh that's great' or something similar but really I had a running dialogue of 'she's not expecting to stay the night before the wedding, or the day of the wedding is she, my house is way too small, what am I going to do about my sluttish mays, doesn't he realise how much cleaning I am going to have to do, what if we are in work the days she stays will this mean she will be poking about my house!' etc etc.

I'm being a freak aren't I? I can't reasonably expect the man I am about to marry to not ever invite his mother to stay can I?

Bah!

OP posts:
ithinkshesgreat · 22/01/2009 10:35

oh - the running dialogue was all in my head BTW, I didn't say any of this to my oh!

OP posts:
taliac · 22/01/2009 10:37

Breathe..

You're going to have to get used to it sometime..

Dropdeadfred · 22/01/2009 10:40

well, to be fair when IS he thinking she'd stay? he must realise that a few days before the wedding would be unaceptable and as for after the wedding - well surely not?

she would be better stying with her mum this time imo

ithinkshesgreat · 22/01/2009 10:41

yeah - I know you are right

I'm a bit of a reluctant bride. what I mean is getting married is not something I have ever actively hoped for and I am a bit freaked out by all the preparation and involvement of other people, plus the dressing up like a prize twat on the day... so I want as little interference/fuss on the days leading up to it as possible. I plan to have 2 of my closest friends staying the night before the wedding so there won't be room for her here anyway and he will have to tell her this if she is hoping to be here then.

OP posts:
Paperchase · 22/01/2009 10:41

I think you will find that it is also dp's house, and the unclean and sluttish bits are his mess and responsibility, not yours.

Stayingsunnygirl · 22/01/2009 10:46

I think that you could say something along these lines to your dp:
"Ohhhh heck, love - I'm really panicking about having your mum to stay before the wedding - she'll take one look at the house and refuse to let you marry me 'cos I'm not looking after you right!!" You could even say something along the same lines to your mother-in-law - I have!!

I'm not the tidiest of people, and would far rather spend time on mumsnet than dusting and vacuuming - and when my MIL has been coming to stay, I've told her that I'm worried that she'll take my dh back because I'm such a lousy housekeeper and am not looking after her pfb properly - and her reply has always been to laugh and then to tell me that there's no way I'm getting rid of him that easily!!

ithinkshesgreat · 22/01/2009 10:52

thanks Stayingsunny

I don't think she's really that houseproud so I probably need to chill and let her take us as we are!

I actually do really like her and we speak on teh phone a lot, I suppose I just need to not stress and have a good time!

OP posts:
MyNameIsInigoMontoya · 22/01/2009 11:35

Ooh right before getting married would freak me out too even though my MIL is very nice as well! But if it will be afterwards or something, then yes try to chill. Here's an idea too, IF you can afford it, why not treat yourself to getting a cleaner in for a few hours for a one-off blitz? If it makes you feel better about having her over it might be worth it, also it would be a nice treat for your wedding to have a lovely clean house to get ready in and come back to afterwards! Just a thought...

ithinkshesgreat · 22/01/2009 11:44

I would have to clean before I got a cleaner!

I have aplan though. I want to be tidier generally anyway so I am going to get going now and spend the next few months gradually improbing storage and making myself put things back where they belong so that by the time she is here it will just be a case of doing a daily tidy.

OP posts:
AnguaVonUberwald · 23/01/2009 17:38

my MIL was at the flat for a visit a couple of days before the wedding (stayed in a hotel though) and we got a cleaner in. It was great, money well spent, I felt totally relaxed, knowing the flat was spotless, I really recommend it.

(p.s. I told my mil we got a cleaner in too)

New posts on this thread. Refresh page