suggestions for coping with a non-loving valentines day?

[vannah]

I know its a few weeks away, but I really do dread valentines day. My husband chooses not to do anything about it at all. Throughout the year he is loving, ie affectionate - sometimes makes me little tokens of love, almost never buys me flowers/gifts but on a day to day basis is very kind, helpful and loving.

I know I should be mature enough to see what he does do the rest of the year, but I really feel sad when I see dozens of men dashing around carrying huge bouquets on valentines day, year after year..I fall into the commercial trap.

This year I thought about escaping for a couple of days with our 2 dc's so thatI dont have to be around to witness the lack of any loving gestures..but something tells me this is drastic.

last year I vowed I would put things into perspective and not get upset but i ended up crying for the whole evening and he went off to his kendo club after watching me shout and scream and cry.

Any advice on coping strategies please? sorry that this post is a bit trivial...
thankyou

could you tell him that you are going away with the dcs so as not to be disappointed again?

was he always like this though eg are you expecting him to change from how he was when you were going out?

would you really be happy if he felt forced to comply and grudgingly bought you flowers/chocs?

It's not trivial if it's important to you. Being away from home doesn't sound like a bad idea if he won't mark the occasion in any way. How does he respond to 'I know you think it's silly, but it's really important to me'?

Give us your address and we'll all bombard you with cards!

I think valentine's day is excruciating. It is a day of meaningless gestures.

If your husband is loving and affectionate for the rest of the year I'm not sure why this bothers you so much.

my Dp doesn't celebrate valentines either.
he tells me he loves me every day and is lovely and affectiontae also, but he is adamanet he wont celebrate it.

he says that he doesn't need a clintons sponsered day to show me he loves me.

can't say im not disapointed but i'd much rather have him be lovely all year and miss out this one day of forced niceness.

But there are loving gestures... just not overpriced flowers or chocolates that'll be slashed in price 24 hours later

Perhaps he could buy you a normal priced bouquet the day before - then you get flowers but not at the extortionate and pointless (especially in these times!) cost of V-Day

thanks all.
I wouldnt be happy if he came home this year brandishing a bunch of red roses, I would definately feel that was forced. Not sure how he was when we dated, I think we had broken up around valentines day...
lilac thats so sweet, Im tempted..!

so sounds like you get valentine's day on every other day of the year.

do the maths: 364 = valentine's day. 1 = no valentine's day.

that should get you through it this year

I dont think I am the only one who has been in a (stupidly overpriced) restaurant on Valentines Day and felt very uncomfortable about the whole formulated, cliched , forced situation. Never again!

already feeling better about it. Have never been to a restaurant on v day and am glad Im getting the picture here...

oh and by the way - it's not non-loving... it's just non-overpriced gesture of "love" day

maybe if you start to think of it in those terms - that V day is actually a collossal waste of money seeing as the same products are halved or more in cost the very next day, it will help?

dh and i celebrate valentine's day on 15th feb. works out much cheaper. but it was actually because he didn't jump my bones on valentines all those years ago, so i jumped his on the 15th

DH's birthday is on Valentines day, pre kids we would alternate and one year celebrate valentines day the next his birthday.

Nowadays we go for a meal either on the 13th or 15th with friends for his birthday. Don't really bother with valentines.... no babysitters.

Hi Vannah.
Valentines day is a load of pants!

Enjoy your lovely husband every day of the year and don't expect a special day of him jumping through overpriced hoops when the card manufacturers say so

Is it better to get something where you know that the meaning in the gift has thought, care and consideration? or would you want something purchased and given to you because it's what you want. The gift has little thought, and hardly any meaning other than to keep you quiet.

Which would leave you with more negative thoughts?

The idea of going away for the day or weekend sounds like a plan to "run away" from the problem. If running away gives you a good chance of solving the problem, then it's probably worth trying. You should know better than I.

Valentine day is generally for lovers doing lover type things. Picnic's, romantic walks, a dinner out, watching stars or clouds or the sea. Some parents exclude their children (not my personal preference). Perhaps you might offer to do something which involves the man, where the activity is something he does because he enjoys it and the activity to you is more romantic. That way you get to be with him and he with you, each for their own reasons. The aim of the day is to be together and while being together, you want to do something that you can remember.

If I might ask, if you and he walk out together, do you hold hands? When you and he sleep together, do you sleep close together or each on their side of the bed?

I do sympathise with the OP.
Whilst I find the whole forced and synthetic nature of the day absolutely cringeworthy, I still feel like the only one without a gesture of some sort.
It's ridiculous, because I am dead against it as a whole. I don't want some crappy rip off flowers or to sit in a random restaurant.

I think my 'issshhhooos' with this day stem from the fact that I am not married to a romantic man, so I probably feel that if he can't even come good on the day he's 'supposed' to, then when will he...

I'm sorry you feel like that. I'm a single working Mum and there'll be no valentines in this house for me, although I'll make sure my gorgeous boys get one from me. It's way too commercialized, especially here in the US, the kids even have a Valentine's Day Party. I'm glad your DH is very romantic, why don't you go away, make it a special weekend for you all. I'm sure you'll enjoy it. Why don't you do it as a surprise for your DH? Would he like that?

My DP says he will not be forced into the "commercial crap" that denotes Valentines Day. Every year I feel a bit fed up about it and wish he was, in my eyes, "slightly more romantic", but you know what, he's lovely and he loves me and thats just how he is.....a tight arse!

Maybe you could make it what you want. If you made a nice dinner and bought a bottle of wine and chocs to have would he join in with you? You could put the dc to bed and have a later dinner.

We don't really buy each other anything but have a nice meal and some wine. Usually organised by me. I then talk him into a foot massage which is his gift to me.

Oh Golly I absolutely dread it too.

I think I've had three valentine cards in my life.

One from a little girl I used to play with on my street when I was about 16.

One from a boyfriend I dated when I was 18 - we lived together for a year, that was nice.

And one when I was 29 from a bloke who lived in a care in the community type house up the road. That was also very sweet.

I must have sent hundreds by the age of 15 - that was where I went wrong obviously! I stopped after that...

I know what you mean about the grand gestures and seeing men with flowers everywhere you go. I'm so that you have a loving partner all year though.

I'd be blown away if someone got me flowers this year but it is SO not going to happen - it never does, so I just try and keep away from public areas so as not to get upset!

I do plan on buying myself some the next day though.