Friendship help please

[shyandinsecure]

Ok, have namechanged for this as the friend in question may use mn.

I feel like I'm being bullied, I know its pathetc, I'm a grown woman fgs! My friend, lets call her C only ever seems to talk to me on her terms, she'll chat to me until someone better comes along then point blank drop me like a hot potato and not talk to me for the rest of the baby group, coffee morning etc. Over Christmas she organised a get together with the 2 other mums from our group of 4 (they didn't realise I hadn't been invited).

I want to confront her (in a calm and dignified way) but instead I get all shy and tend to respond to any conversation she makes if its just us with fairly monosyllabic answers, she scares me and I feel like she's constantly judging me.

So does anyone have any wise words of advice to make me feel better about myself, understand her better or ideas of how to phrase my feelings to her without ruining our friendship (because despite everything i actually do like her)

God, I sound like I'm about 14

She is not your friend. You dont have a friendship to ruin.

friends dont behave like that!

Why don't you arrange a social gathering with the other 2 Mums and ask her along last so it does happen and you're not excluded?

Don't change for this woman.

I knew a someone like that and looking back she was insecure and abit jealous!
Don't let her put you in the position where she can drop you like a hot potatoe

What about the other 2 mums are you close to them

Thank you all for your replies I know in my heart of hearts you're all speaking sense but I really do value my friendships with the other 2 mums especially, they are genuinely lovely and we have a fantastic time when we are out together.

I guess I need to get past this one woman and her actions, any ideas how? (now isn't that the million dollar question)

in that case, don't lose contact with the group but try to view it as enjoying the time with them and nothing more.

you absolutely need to start making new friends so that this isn't such a big deal. even subconsciously she'll notice the change.

right now i bet she knows the hold she has over and is enjoying the power. sometimes all it takes is a slight attitude shift. these things can be very subtle.

i've had something similar and while the specific person and i don't really get on so well, we get on well enough that group dynamics work and i enjoy the time even if she's there.

From what you say it sounds like she just hasn't "clicked" with you. It's nothing you've done or haven't done. We don't like everyone we meet so therefore can't expect everyone we meet to like us. I can't see much point in confronting her. What would you gain from it?

Just carry on as you are but make more of an effort with the two friends in the group you do like. Continue to be polite to her (Otherwise the other Mums will feel caught in the middle and uncomfortable) but don't sit next to her at your playgroups and coffee mornings that way you won't feel obliged to make conversation with her.

You could also try making friends outside of that group. Have a look at the Mumsnet Meet Up thread. There may be a meet up organised near you or you could start a thread of your own.

I have been in a similar situation to you except it was a group of 3. One friend would organise things with the other and leave me out. The other friend always felt bad about it and would organise something with me the next time.

I was going to say something to her but then I realised I can't make her be friends with me. She can get together with whoever she wants and I just had to "suck it up". So I backed off. It has been a few months now and I am over it. I am still in contact with the other friend but just polite interactions with the first friend.

In my case I think it was that I am not "yummy mummy" enough. She is always bleaching, straightening, waxing, massaging and shopping. Everything has to be perfect all the time. Other friend also takes care of herself but not so anal about it. I am by no means a slob and take care of my appearance but I don't put myself into debt doing it.

Perhaps you can make polite conversation with C when you see her and make other arrangements with your one or two other friends at your house.