please, advise needed-was I right?? (long, sorry..)

[wasiright]

Ok, I have name changed for this.

I am married but currently do not live with my husband due to some reason but we are separated but when we will be together hard to say and tbh I think our marriage is slowly going to an end-we have been away more than 2 years and he didn't dd for nearly 4years...since she was two months old.
I know he loves her and in his own way loves me but circumstances are that we cannot be together and unfortunately time and distance kill the relationship.

And I have been knowing this OM for 7 years. Met him before I had dd. Felt in love but for long years denied my feeelings.. it is all a bit difficult than it seems in the first sight.
I never thought of him a a marriage material IYKWIM. So never took him serioulsy-treated like a fling(I know I shouldn't be doing that while being married but we are not all perfect). But as I found out later he didn't want to ruin my life coz I was already married. One one he called me and basically proposed me on the phone. And if I wouldn't be pg I would have left my h. But I was already 4months pg so told him to leave me alone and never bother me again. He got married after that

4 yeras after that our affair began again on a much serious matter. Well, serious in a way that last time before we got into argument we were looking at the houses to buy in SW Lonbdon.
Then a disastorous weekend came. One of the things that happened than was me getting drunk and trying to bit hime with a shoe.

All this time he was asking me to be patient.coz he needs to find out a possible way not to hurt his wife too much..
All I can say I love hi, so madly-breath in and out with his name on my lips. I serioulsy and truley love him like noone else in my life.
But due to reasons as well we cannot be together. It is even impossible for us to see each other coz we live in different countries. SO I closed my email account today so I will not be tempeted by any hope that one day ot will all change.

But maybe some of you did have such kind of relationships and came out a happy one... Did I do the right thing?? I I just should wait and be patient???
His wife was diagnosed with cancer just before Xmas. I do not think it would be right thing to ask him to live his wife now but as well i understand that he might never leave her as well.

I do not know what to do. I am falling in pieces for not being able to be with him. it kills me.

I think you need to separate your problems.

1 - marriage

2 - this other man

You are seeing them together but you need to examine them seperatly

no no I see them separetly. It is just with my h problems are the samelive in different countries and even applying for a divorse is a bit difficult. We only talk to each other when things concern our dd. but we do not talk about "us" anymore. i think that divorse matter is just a time thing. I have my own life, dh has his own

And this OM -I would give out everything just to be with him. h actually knows about his existance

thing with h is that I do not see him as my husband anymore for long time now. and it has nothing to do with OM. I see H as an older brother which is weird but that is how I see him in my life.

Hi Was I right, just wanted you to know that you are not alone and that not everyone in the world will judge you for loving another man whilst being married! There are many and complex reasons why one would get oneself in such a tangle.

I left a REALLY unhappy marriage in the spring last year, about 3 weeks after meeting a guy on line. I did not leave FOR him, but simply because he shed light on my feelings in a new way, we connected, and i thought that to be honest, if I could start to feel those in love feelings so deeply, it REALLY was time to get out. So I did the brave thing and ended the marriage.

Despite that, I 'dumped' the new chap several times over the summer, trying to get my head around the guilt, all those Mummy feelings etc etc and every time I went back to him.

We have been together 8 months now and I am totally in love and never looking back. Suddenly I 'get' love and relationships in a way I never did before. All I know is that having his love and strength behind me helped me to face some difficult decisions.

I am so glad he is in my life. So maybe just deal with all the other crap and you two can come through together? It's not a dress rehearsal, as they say.

Good luck to you.

I wish things would be much easier for us.
But thank you so much for support words KumquatMaye.

Well, as I said I cannot be that bitch to talk about OUR future while his w is being treated for cancer. Plus he told me that shoe beating that happpened in Nov is still bothering him and that he thinks we have a bad chemistry
But it has been for 7 years on and off...

All I know I want him but I cannot have him but i do not know how to get over him

If you truly want to move on, do you have the option of not having further contact with this man? Delete his number, don't see him, bear the pain until it lessens? Seeing him must make you feel worse, perhaps with time and distance you may gain some strength?

that is what I did-delete his numbers, closed email accoi=unt so won't get anything kind of "you are quite today"
But was it right thing to do???

Maybe I am just overreacting??
I suck in relationships as I can judge myself...

I need to put dd to sleep-it is half past nine where I live.
But would appreciate any advice or comment. I am really lost and confused with everything that goes in my life and concerns this OM

If you really are serious and have made the decision to stop the contact then yes, it is my belief that you have to stop totally or you know as well as I do that you will have a bad day, a weak day, a missing you so much I could die day....and you will get in touch.

To be honest, I always found it easier to let go when I was angry...sometimes I over-reascted to things on purpose to see if I could hate him, just a bit?!?! It never fully worked but it was the closest I came to walking away.

Maybe get some anger up about him being so unforgiving about the shoe incident?!?! Although not great, it's not like you approved or your actions and you were deeply sorry and did not repeat them...or...or...I don't know. Look on the dark side? Or really go with the ill wife thing because it seems from your post that that is a strong reason for you to walk away.

Good luck. I feel for you. You just want and need to be happy and I hope you find that somewhere.

It doesn't have to be him. Once you are free you can find love like this somewhere else, I promise you xx

When me and DP were having 'off' times he promised me that he would think of me every night at 10pm and send me love over the ether...that really helped.

How does he feel?
If his wife has cancer, does he not see his place as being with her, to support her?

I think you need to decide if a) you want him, and b) if he wants you- and if so, then you both have to leave your spouses and be together.

Only you know if he is serious and will leave his wife. Are you saying you have ended it because you think he will not leave her and you don't want to wait?