Feel like a single parent...but I'm married...

[Weeziebobs]

Really struggling with shouldering all the responsibility for childcare. have to go back to work full time, trying to find suitable childcare.
I'm applying for flexible working, but not likely to get it, hubby said he could get it easily, bit dosent want to apply to change his shifts.
I'm looking for a suitable nursery, none seem very nice, hubby cant be bothered to research any and won't look round them with me.
he's very quick to point out faults but not ready to offer support advice etc. He says, 'she's your baby'
my mum and friends aren't local and i'm getting quite stressed, spoiling my maternity leave

'she's your baby'

what a knob!

does he have any good qualities?

Probably not much comfort but I often say I am a single parent without the benefits so I understand. It's horrible shouldering all the pressure to sort everything.

What is his problem? Is it that he doesn't want you to go back to work?? Or is he generally not involved with "your baby"?

I know how it feels to get shouldered with all the responsibilty- I seem to organise everything in our house- kids, finances, animals, holidays- you name it. But it might be mostly my own fault (like to be in control, especially as DH often has to go away, so I like to know that I can take care of everything in his absence) Are you maybe guilty of this, and your DH is fed up and throwing it back at you?

I'm actually struggling to think of any right now!

he works lates, but wont get up to help out with anything baby related unless i mither him, then he says i'm nagging!

dont want to be a nag, but want him to want to help, he loves our baby, loves the nice bits you know what i mean.

you'd think he would want to be involved in nursery decisions.

don't know what to do, want to get away for a while, but its not fair on DD to be away from home.

Feel stuck!

Joolyjoolyjoo - quite the opposite, he won't let me go part time!

I suppose I do take over things quite a lot, but if I waited for him to actually do anything I would be waiting a long time!

Who did you conceive her with if not your not so dear husband?

He is acting like a spoilt brat. Sorry.

he won't let you?

God help you tbh.

he sounds like a real catch.

That's a bit rubbish for you . I've always found the thought of going back to work after mat leave immensely stressful as it is, without all the added pressure of trying to do everything else on your own.

Have you explained to him how difficult you are finding it, and how it would really help you if he could be involved in the decisions re childcare? Tell him unless you can find a decent nursery you won't be going back to work at all!

Take dd and get away for a while. Kids adapt so dont worry about how dd will be during a break. Take the time away to think about what your dh actually contributes to your relationship and then address issues that you may have.

Feel like I'm wasting my time / life with him.

i wanted a proper family, a proper hubby who would be a proper dad, he's so selfish

I just want us to be happy, but i'm not sure he's ready for the family thing, still wanting to buy a 'boy racer'(he is in his thirties)type car rather than a family friendly one, says i'm boring bacause all i talk about is DD

Yeah I think you need to do some serious thinking. You are no good to your dd if you are not happy, you not happy = her not happy. Get thee happy again, you only have one chance at life, dont waste it.

thats not nice at all, what a basterd!
you can do better honey, get back to work and bag yourself a decent man!

You are wasting your life/time with him.

He sounds like a immature t*at.Sorry.

All you talk about is your DD???

Er, yes. She should be the main topic of conversation and he needs to stop being your second child.

i actually left my (now) DH when he said he didnt want children till his thirties (this was when we had been together 2 years)
he quickly changed his mind, said that he would rather have them now then loose me.
(i had to have them early cos i have medical problems which might lead to infertility later)

he is now a changed man, has changed what he considered to be important before children, and is now a great dad.

if he is going to change, a short split may well kick him into action.

if not leave him. like i said you can do better

Why would you not get flexible working? your employer would have to have a very good reason to turn you down

Aside that, you dh sounds like a nob, she is his baby too

If you need to get away for a while you should, your dd wont care is she is at home or not, as long as she is with you

The more you say about your H, the less appealing he sounds

Agree with the others who say take a break for a while- could you go to family/ friends for a bit, see if you can get a chance to see things more clearly before you get back into the hurdy-gurdy of work-pick up-home-dinner-bed, when it might be harder to implement any lifestyle changes? Maybe if you get away for a bit he also might come to his senses and realise what a tit he is being.