Should I accept irregular, unreliable contact from ex rather than nothing at all?

[betsybunnkin]

My exh and I have been apart for over a year. He used to see our dc (5 of them!) twice a week and I used to think this was not enough. Little did I think it would grow worse and less frequent, but it did!
He refuses to discuss set days and times when he will visit and/or help with the dc. He likes to arrange a visit via email a couple of days before (usually a for few hours) then promise to contact again when he is leaving to arrange another.
He has been twice for a few hours each time in the last six weeks. He has never had dc overnight (saying he has nowhere to to take them as he is staying with a relation) and will often cancel at the last minute.
I confess I have threatened him before with arranging contact via legal avenues only as I find it stressful and upsetting to deal with this. He is too lazy and indolent to pursue access this way and has then promised to help more, but never follows through.
At the moment he is off work as was made redundant a couple of months ago. It makes me so cross to think he is doing absolutely nothing during the day whilst I struggle with four children under five. I haven't had a break since he left (sorry moaning).

I know I can't force him to help or see the children. I just don't know what to do next. He says he wants to be a father and see more of them but it is all just words.
He won't actually discuss the situation, just refuses and won't tell me of his intentions towards the dc verbally or in writing.
Sorry this is long, I am quite at the end of my tether. I want him to take his share of the responsibility as is right.
Is there anything I can do? I'm feeling quite desperate and weary at the moment.

Thanks for reading

Sorry, no answers, but didn't want your post to be left.

It must be very hard and horrible. Maybe posting on loneparents might help, as others who have been through this can share how they coped.

hello, you really should seek the advice of a solicitor it is only right for you and the children that they now when they are going to see there father, i was in the same position, and having something put in writing from a solicitor really helped he either sees them regularly or not at all,hope this helps i really sympathise with you its very fustrating.xx

Is your husband the one who thinks you can feed a family of 5 plus 2 cats on £50 a week?

You need a solicitor, then he will have to tell you of his intentions in writing and stick to it.

You need a solicitor, you and your children deserve more than just seeing him as and when he fancies it. My own father used to do this to me and my 4 siblings, and when i was younger it really hurt especially seeing my younger siblings really upset as im the oldest, we never knew when we would see him and for how long. My mother was fearful of putting her foot down in regard to this, and we eventually learned not to care. Basically he needs set times and days, and a solicitor can help you with this, and in regard to his finances and helping you. You must be tired having the lions share of the care for your brood, but you must do the right thing, and not the easy thing, which is just let him dictate when he can see his kids, and go the legal route. I think its amazing you having 5 children, my own mother was knackered most of the time (plus skint), but we've all grown up and throughly appreciate how our mother looked after us. She also appreciates our money and help now too!! best of luck.

As a child the thing I found hardest about having divorced parents was not knowing if I was going to see my dad. Children need reliability and consistancy. It helps them to know they are loved and valued. I'm sorry he's doing this to you and agree you need to sort it out somehow. Good luck.