Partner wants to move back in with us .. confused

[peachesteaches]

Hi hoping someone can give me some advice here; my partner and I have been separated for about 4 months now, we have a DD of 3 ½ years whom we both adore but we just can't seem to get on between us and have been together for about 5 years.My exp regularly drank and took drugs and this would put a strain on our relationship more so towards our split as work has been slowing up for him and at times he would become verbally abusive when he was drinking.

We have encountered the drink and drugs issue before but to be fair he didn't say he would change we just got back together after time. I work part time and have recently moved departments which is where I have been getting some attention from a couple of the guys there, this has got me thinking that maybe I would like to see someone else.

My exp has started making changes in his lifestyle and is telling me he is changing this time; I know he wants us to get back together, I like us being a family so I am telling him yes but not at the moment, the things is though what I am really thinking deep down is I also want someone else? we haven't been intimate since our split so is this bad ? anyone in the same situation or been here ? could do with some sound advice confused

DWIW I don't thimk he has proved himself to you yet and as time goes on you can see other possibilities for a happy future.
You have said you don't want to get back with him yet but do you want to set him a goal that he can aim for or are you stringing him along for time to find something new? If you are not sure set some goals and a time limit on the separation.

Yes you could be right about seeing other possibilities .. give it some time Im thinking, if he was to keep sober for at least a couple of weeks that would be a good start .. it would be hard to give up the time we have been together

I reckon he'd need to stay sober for at least a few months before it would represent a genuine change. If he wants you back that much, he'll be prepared to wait and make the effort. If you take him back now, it'll look like all he has to do is have a few sober weeks and ask you nicely, and all will be well again. I'd give yourself a lot more time and see what happens, both with his sobriety and your feelings about maybe having a different life. If I were you I'd tell him you need more time, but that you can't give him any guarantees. That's the truth after all.