Is there EVER an excuse for violence?

[LeatherOnLeather]

My sister turned up at my mother's house yesterday with a big lump on her head. She said her husband had pushed her aggresively into the wall.

His story was that they were arguining and she kicked him hard in the shin (he had a huge bruise too) and he lashed out and pushed her backwards, she just happened to be near a wall at the time.

I know they're as bad as each other but from his point of view, was her kicking him and excuse to be pushed?

In his mind yes but there is never any justification for such actions.

Feel sorry for any children they have.

Where is your sister today?. Has she gone back to her H?.

If someone was physically attacking me, I'd be inclined to push them away.

Not sure about this one. Was it likely to be a knee jerk reaction from her H? Is he sorry?

My XP once hit me and I do truely believe that it was accidental, he had fallen asleep drunk on the floor and I was trying to wake him by tapping him around the face he suddenly jumped up and slapped me hard around the face. He cried more than I did once he realised what he had done.

no violence is good. she shouldn't have kicked him, he shouldn't have pushed her. even if she kicked him first. neither has any excuse.

wellll, I once kicked my dh (yeeeears ago) during an argument

He kicked me back (not hard)

We have never been physically aggressive with each other again, it taught me a lesson tbh

I think the size difference is irrelevant to some extent - a sharp kick in the shins is bloody painful whether you're 6ft tall or 5ft tall. She shouldn't have kicked him. He shouldn't have pushed her (though on the basis of the OP I think I would have reflexively pushed away).

No. Violence is always wrong. She shouldn't have kicked , he shouldn't have pushed.

to be honest she used violence first and he pushed her away in all honesty if i was kicked i would push who ever kicked me away too its a natural reaction to remove the danger

he shouldn't be getting flamed and not your sis as if she hadn't kicked him would he have pushed her do they have this volatile relationship usually and does she usually react with violence first

you shouldn't even be asking if her kicking him is reason for him to push her you should also be asking was her kicking him wrong she used violence and he pushed and he is the one in the wrong wether its male to female or female to male violence under no circumstances is acceptable

I agree both were very much in the wrong- if her version of events is true. I would talk to my sis and try to make sure that her story was definitely the truth and she was not covering for her partner. I don't know much about dv but I do know that victims do lie to protect their partners.

If her story is true, then it's a very difficult dilemma- of course most men are bigger/stronger, and personally I would be horrified if my partner retaliated if I kicked/hit him. But then I would never do that in the first place.

But I feel a bit iffy about drawing a parallel between a woman and child. Yes a woman is (usually) smaller and weaker physically than a man- but unlike a child she can differentiate between right and wrong and choose to behave in an adult fashion- or not. The relationship between a man and a woman is not the same as the relationship between a parent and a child. A child attacking an adult is not necessaily being abusive- an adult attacking an adult is. IMO.

having a relationship is not an excuse for violence.

Why are people who are supposed to care about each other prepared to treat each other worse than a stranger in the street.

I will never ever understand this. If my DH ever hit me I would leave him. But if I hit him I would leave too.

They both behaved appalingly. I am not sure it is sensible to discuss who behaved worse. Perhaps they would be better served figuring out why either of them felt it was OK

If someone kicked me, I'd shove them away - it's pretty much a knee-jerk reaction, isn't it? She was the aggressor in that encounter. He shouldn't have shoved her, but pushing someone away from you who has just hurt you - and a kick on the shins is FECKING painful! is not violent in the same way that deliberatly taking your leg and swinging it out to connect with the other person is. She is more in the wrong than he is. If he'd kicked her and she'd shoved him away as an instinctive reaction, nobody would be saying that was an aggressive move on her part, would they?

I would be worried if my brother was in a relationship with a woman who had done that to him.

Its all he said she said and very unfair to solely blame him without facts.

What did he say to her for her to kick him? Not saying she isn't wrong to do that but maybe he said something really abusive or hurtful.