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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

my marriage is in trouble

14 replies

pinkroses · 03/04/2005 16:33

Hi...should change my name for this as dh will probably see it...but I don't know how to!!

Anyway, dh and I have been married for 3 1/2 years now and it feels like we have spent most of that time arguing. He has never helped around the house...but this is what most men are like!!

Recently though, he has just been horrible towards me. Nasty comments quite often and talks to me as if I am stupid. If we argue, he just ignores me until I start speaking to him. He never compliments me ever. We don't kiss anymore or hug...and sex is a waste of effort!

Everytime I try to talk to him about what is happening, he shrugs it off and says everything is fine...I am just being moody as usual!!

I don't know what to do anymore. I have made an effort to go out for the evening with him, but he never wants to enjoy himself. I make him nice meals, try to spend time with him...let him play games on the computer and I'll sit with him, but he just blanks me.

Where am I going wrong?? Help

OP posts:
lou33 · 03/04/2005 16:39

Unfortunately, unless you get him making an effort as well, nothing will work on your part, no matter how hard you try. Do you have anything in common that you could do together?

Pinotmum · 03/04/2005 16:40

It sounds like he's taking you for granted - tell him you need to talk to him and let him know you are not happy so everything isn't fine. I think some men think they just need to do x y z and that keeps their partners happy. I have to remind my dh that although he sits in the same room as me he has to also talk to me and answer my questions . Does he have a stressful job? Do you work?

JoolsToo · 03/04/2005 16:42

scarey but you need a confrontation - ask him outright what's going on, whats wrong - don't let him it shrug it off - if he leaves the room follow.

You might not like the answer but imo its better to know where you stand.

good luck

mummyof2 · 03/04/2005 16:42

My BF of 8 years sounds exactly like your husband hes only 23 so am i hes sooo moody like living with victor meldrew.Iget called names all the time sometimes they just want a reaction! Why are we always the ones being accused of being moody and miserable when its them that are or its them making us feel like that. Is there an equiivant to a male time of the month i think our partners must have it....CONSTANTLY.

Original poster
pinkroses · 03/04/2005 16:42

No. I'm a writer and he doesn't read anything. He is money focused, whereas I know there is more to life than money.

We are just opposites. I know I shouldn't want him to change, but I want romance, I want to feel special...I want to feel loved. I don't feel like that anymore.

OP posts:
Pinotmum · 03/04/2005 16:45

Has he ever been a romantic? What is it about him you like? I think you need to ask yourself if this is worth working at and he needs to do the same. If he doesn't make you feel happy and good about yourself that why do you want to be with him?

Original poster
pinkroses · 03/04/2005 16:46

He owns a business with a mate...and it's not stressful. He loves it, and gets loads of time off.

He has actually just been speaking to me through messenger...and he said he has changed for me since we got married. I asked how and he has gone quiet, typical!! Thought I had had some sort of breakthrough

OP posts:
lou33 · 03/04/2005 16:47

Of course you do, and why shouldn't you? Is there anything you could think of that you could start doing together that you haven't done before? I agree you boht need to sit and talk, but if he won't then I would send him a letter or an email, tell him exactly how you feel and how he makes you feel, and tell him you want to put things back on track, but can't without his help. He may say things are alright, but if one of you doesn't feel that way, the other has to take into account the other person's feelings, and that they are equally valid.

Original poster
pinkroses · 03/04/2005 16:47

We're together for the kids. I think about leaving him, but something always makes me stay...I do love him, I think-can't think what I love at the moment.

OP posts:
Pinotmum · 03/04/2005 16:50

Well if you still love him then it's worth working on . I have had to have a heart to heart with my dh on not putting each other first, not giving consideration to the other ones feelings. We came through it and we're fine for now.

lou33 · 03/04/2005 16:51

could you go away for a few days alone?

Original poster
pinkroses · 03/04/2005 16:57

tried that...we are fine whilst we are away, but he reverts back when we get home.

OP posts:
lou33 · 03/04/2005 16:59

i meant by yourself.

Original poster
pinkroses · 03/04/2005 16:59

I may try to put my feelings dow on paper. Hopefully it will open things up between us.

OP posts:
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