I want to fix my marriage and I am going to do it - suggestions most gratefully accepted

[NewAmazingBeginning]

DH has forgiven me for my stupid behaviour and trusts me again.

I feel things are different between us and I know it is because deep down I want him in my life. That is never going to happen so how can I fix things?

I can't forgive myself for what I have done but I can't let it ruin my marriage which was amazing before this.

Sometimes when I text dh, or hug him, etc it feels like I am trying to convince myself everything will be fine again but since I have been crying my eyes out again, it clearly isn't atm.

Please - just go see a therapist. It can really help.

Actually, I think talking about makes it worse for me as I think if I wish enough it will happen.

I have talked with a very old friend and I know I want to let his go now. I will. I just want to make things right with my husband.

I have never found counselling to help me with anything to be honest.

What about counselling with your husband? Because it's your relationship with him that you are worried about.

I don't know that he would go or that he would think we need it.

He thinks all will be fine and doesn't want to talk about it.

Counselling only works if people have some insight- forgive me if I'm wrong, but "talking therapies" are only going to perpetuate your circular thinking if your threads are an indication. CBT would be more useful, and the NHS has a lot of trained practitioners who your GP could refer you to.

Thanks rev. And you DO know the background.

I think you are right about just doing. I had felt like we were just getting on with things and it was all fine and then something happens to take the wond out of my sails.

I want so much to make it up to my DH and for him to be happy again.

I'm already on ADs and the GP won't put me on a higher dose.

I can't remember if I took them today and are not allowed to take them again in case I had had them and then double dose, so I have to go without.

What beautiful advice revjustabout. Really spot on.

Good luck with your newbeginning.

To 'love' is a decision which colours your actions and thoughts - to be 'in love' is a feeling which is transient and can change from one moment to the next.
My guess is that confusing the two has left you battered and bruised.
I hope you work on your decision to love your husband and it is something you are truely commited to.
If you work on it with all your heart, then I hope you let yourself feel 'in love' with him too.

I am totally committed to my husband.

I realise I do better when I don't think about the ex and I need to work at not letting thoughts that come into my head, stay.

I have a very tidy house

NAB - I think counselling with your husband would be a really positive thing, even if he thinks it is all going to be ok it would probably be wise to explain to him through the counsellig that for you it is not. Perhaps you are suffering from feelings of guilt and need to learn how to not beat yourself up over all this? Counselling could help you do this, even if you went on your own.

He just really doesn't want to talk about it and I would be scared of what I might say at the session.

NAB.......I don;t have any advice, but wanted to leave a , and to say I am thinking of you.

Thanks

DH just phoned to see if I was okay as he knew I had been crying this morning. He said we have to move on.

I think NAB for your own sanity, if DH is prepared to move.......

move on ....

I want to.

I think I have finally got where I need to be.

I am thinking the whole strong feeling I had for DH would come rushing back and because it hasn't (feel I don't deserve him) then I panic.

So you are feeling like you are not worthy? This is a guilt issue and really could be helped with counselling. My mum told me when I left a 13+ year long relationship that Guilt is the most wasted emotion. It serves no good purpose for anyone. Perhaps you need to learn to forgive yourself rather than just be forgiven.

I did something so embarrassing that I could never show my face again.

How can I forgive myself? I have done a similar thing before (but was all in my head, no contact from him. The same him) and I dind't stop when he asked me too.