Cricket is back....please cheer me up

[idontlikecricket]

All the nails are in the coffin

I'm a bleeding mess (not literally)

Im away from home, but when I get back I want him to leave.

He's told me that he loves me but not in love with me anymore. Doesn't think there is anymore we can do. I now realise after bashing my head over and over again with all this crap that he's right.

I've put my life on hold for the past few years for him (read my last post...called "help re my previous thread" for more info - I can't work out how to cut and paste the thread????) and now I'm suffering dreadfully.

Im thinking of cutting short my trip to come home because I think I'm falling apart, my DD's behaviour is all over the place, she will not give me 1 minute to myself, up in night, unsettled etc, and I feel terrible for her, but I need some time before I go mad.

The DH or H has said if I need to come back I can (involves a 9 hour flight and change of tickets). But what good will it do me?

I have told him that when I get back I want a week to myself (ha bloody ha) and I want counselling for me, in order for me to be able to deal with everything that's going on. The thing is, he a course in the evenings (hobby course that it) which means he's out every night. So he will really not want to do it. Although part of me thinks he never really thought about who'd be looking after our DD whilst he decided to enrol, so why should i worry where it leaves him.

Whether I get that or not I don't know, but one thing is for sure, I am going nowhere fast and I feel like my mental health is really suffering

Please cheer me up

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I just feel awful!

How long does it take to get over all this???

Sorry don't know the history but some non-MN ((hugs)) for you.
If you don't change your tickets and come back when planned will his course be over? then you could have more me-time?
Don't know how old DD is, but sounds young so roll with it for now, she should settle when she gets home.
hth

Hello Cricket, your poist rang an awful lot of bells with me. This time last year I felt that life was passing me by with a H who had no "get up and go" about him and who expected me to do all the work with regard to our DS - like you I didn't get a minute to myself. Even if I wanted to go swimming (my one big relaxation thing) H would say "can't you wait until DS is in bed" - he couldn't understand that by evening I was knackered and all I wanted to do was collapse. My mental health suffered majorly and in January I had a nervous breakdown (that's all I can describe it as in terms of what I went through). Of course H was no real help there either and in March I finally left with DS. I moved back to be near my parents and support.

Now a year on everything is settling down. DS has settled well into his new school, we've had the inevitable ups and downs about it all and I still don't really have a minute to myself as DS will not go to bed without me (but that's a whole other issue I have to deal with when I feel strong enough).

I'm not going to tell you this last year has been easy because it hasn't BUT I finally feel that life is settling down and I am moving on. Funnily enough I am on very good terms with my ex-H and he is being supportive financially in a way he wasn't when we were together.

If you feel your mental health is suffering don't leave it as long as I did! Believe me a mental breakdown is no fun - it was months before I felt right and I even have the odd tearful day 12 months on.But I feel stronger and more resilient emotionally now.

Your DD will be fine - and so will you. Ask him to leave - you deserve better that "I love you but I'm not in love with you"

thanks.
i guess i am trying to avoid all the hurt that comes with relationship breakups, but there is no way to avoid it.

basically my Dh has been saying all that "he doesn't feel the same about me" rubbish and "the damage is already done" I have been for ages trying to make it all better and make him see that it will can be ok if we both make the effort. But he doesn't want to, doesn't think it will make anything better.

It's all sinking in now that horrible feeling of 10 years together and now this. I can't help thinking what happens if he moves on, etc etc and the hurt is killing me. I guess when it comes to that happening though, my feelings will have moved on to a different place.

What frustrates me the most is that I know that our marriage wasn't all bad at all. We had a lot of fun and good times, and it frustrates me that he looks at it really negatively, when I don't think he really knows what a terrible marriage is like (we still get along now and have fun?????).

I know a few months down the line things will be different but the hurt is awful. I feel like the pits.

I am trying to keep my mind off all this, but it's so hard.

Heartbreak is never even - I mean I'm the one who has stood by him through a lot of crap, and then he dumps me like hes had enough - he even said once that he thinks we've come to the end of our journey together!!!!!

But then he says he knows i am the best thing thats ever happened and was the best wife and mother?!?!?!??!

Mucking me up in the head!

I read your other threads cricket.

I am so sorry you are feeling so hurt. He is saying the odd nice thing because he thinks he is helping you to feel better, tell him to stop cos it is messing you up. Sometimes it is easier if they are actually nasty, cos then your anger would carry you through.

It sounds as if your relationship is over. If only one person wants to work at it then it is doomed.

I would see out your trip. No good will come of getting home early. Try to remember why you planned it in the 1st place, and use the tim e away to get your shit together, with the mindset that you are on your own now.

Btw, what course requires you to be out of the house every night. I think I would dig a bit deeper on that one. Doesn't ring true to me.

Please accept a hug and some sympathetic vibes coming your way, you sound soooo sad but you are going to have to bolster your strength over the coming months or you will go under.

Hiya

Yeah I know. I'm gonna try and stay out. I feel so awful right now though its hard to keep a smiling face all the time.

I hope he regrets what he has done one day! But he doesn't seem like he ever will. I tell him that he is always so cut and dry, move on, end of relationship etc and life isnt like that. He was crying the other day because he couldn't understand why I loved him and asked me why I loved him. That tears me apart to think that he can't understand it.

The course is kosher, have checked it out and meet everyone on it, know exactly where it is and seen the timetable. Its an intensive evening course for those who can't do it in the day (it would be shorter in the day time).

I'm going to seek counselling when I get back and I've also told him that I'm going to need a couple of days to myself. He knows he will have to take time out of his course and agrees.

I feel like I haven't got the strength to see me through all this.

p.s. is that you, wiseany?!

ok about the course then

stop trying to make him understand, there lies madness

concentrate on your own future