Does your DH/DH have 'him' time at the weekends at all or do you see it as family time?

[PussinJimmyChoos]

DH works full time, I do p/time and look after DS two days a week. I take him to all his activities, get him ready etc so by the weekend, I'm ready to share the load as it was as DS is in the terrible twos and hard bloody work

DH wants to go to the gym in the evenings and the weekend. I can see that its just going to create more work for me in that I'll end up doing bedtime routine when he's at the gym in the evening and so I'm a bit mmm about it but before saying anything, thought I'd see what others do

He says he needs to do this to stop him being grumpy all the time and that he needs 'him' time

What do others think/do?

Pussin I do know what you mean about the lunch thing, but then DH doesn't even take his full lunch break most of the time, apparently.

Another suggestion, we did this recently. We all went to my health club, Dh went to the gym whilst I took DS swimming, then we all met up for lunch. That way your DH is getting his workout but you are still having some family time.

Agree with OhBling though, you have to get over it and leave DS with your DH on his own. Your DH is being somewhat unfair, but the only way to actively demonstrate this to him is to do tit for tat so you take 2 hours for every 2 hours he has, but you have to leave him to parent as he sees fit. Ok there may not be much family time for a couple of weekends but soon he will hopefully realise that one session a weekend is fair, two is selfish.

I have to say, I had PND and panic attacks post DS which was all sorted with a course of ADs and I felt fine for well over a year and hardly had any panics, could cope etc and it was brilliant, it really was.

However, they started again as a result of my MIL being diagnosed with terminal cancer (she died on New Year's eve) and so I don't like being alone and like DH to be around at weekends...maybe that puts too much pressure on him...

I'm sorry to hear about your MIL, must have been hard on your DH as well.

I think it would do you both good to have a little space at the weekends.

Because of your circumstances it would be appropriate to build up gradually, you could perhaps suggest he takes up running which is the ultimate way to get fit, lose weight and costs nothing other than the gear. It also has the great advantage of being able to be done in fairly small time chunks. Might also be a possibility for you as I believe exercise is beneficial for your state of mind as well.

Have skimmed the thread, but don't think anyone else has suggested this. DH goes 2 gym, taking DS with, to go in the creche there. Then you get some "me" time too.

Re lunch hours, I always find DH is a much better shopper when I email him a list to his work address.

What it is about men and technology?

"Yes, the whole not trusting him to go swimming with him is a big issue but sadly, I've seen first hand how easily DH gets distracted and how he will go out and forget essential things like sunshade, suncream, juice bottle etc - trust has to be earned and yes, I have sat back quietly and let him get on with it and each time, he forgets something so....I make no apologies for it!"

Hang on - you won't let him take ds swimming because you have seen him forget the sunshade, juice and sunscreen?????

And - "trust has to be earned"??????????

I honestly think you need to think about all this -are you being a bit "controlling"?

I agree with seeker, just because your husband does things differently to you doesn't mean he's doing them wrong. All you need for a swimming pool is a costume and a towel. The other stuff is for going to the beach, and lets face it most of us forget things on beach trips from time to time. If you forget sunscreen they just cover up with a tshirt, you can usually buy a drink. This guy is suppposed to be your husband, if you don't trust him why did you marry him. If you don't let him try things with the kids he'll never learn.
Those of us who are divorced just have to let our exes get on with it when kids are with them at weekends. My ex has different routines from me and different priorities for doing things with the kids. He's not wrong just different.
Most people I know have working lunches. I wonder if some of you stay at home mums have an unrealistic idea of how busy lunch times are for most working folk.
I know my man like me usually grabs a sandwich and works or has a meeting at lunchtime.
I'd give the guy some free time and take some yourself so you get over the not coping on your own thing. Give him a bit of the housework to do whilst you're out.
You may not want to go out alone but that shouldn't be a reason to stop him going out.