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Original poster

I feel like giving up on this relationship

12 replies

Ace100309 · 18/01/2009 17:51

Hey all,
Im new to this site, I am 33 weeks pregnant, and cant wait to be a mum!!

Sorry to start with a depressing post but I dont have many people to talk to and I wanted a neutral opinion.

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and he is a very difficult person to be with (a typical Aquarian male!!). He does not want to commit. He is excited about the baby coming and he is already a dad and I know he'll be wonderful with our son but when it comes to us I am just not sure.

I don't know alot about him because he doesnt talk to me about things. He has a very close friend who he has known for 15 years and he always talks to her but not me. I've tried to get him to open up but he just doesn't. If we argue, his way to resolve it is to disappear for a week with no contact. I am worried about when the baby comes and he does this as I have no one else to help me. I have supported him through a lot and just dont feel I get anything back from him. I am getting fed up with trying. He wont be contributing financially (he earns very little and after rent and maintenance to his other son he only has enough for bills) and he wont be moving in and I just dont know what to do.

I am so excited to be a mum and know I will always do the best for my son but I am getting the distinct impression I am gonna be alone for most of the time.

What do you think I should do??

OP posts:
preggydonuts · 18/01/2009 17:55

Tbh the disappearing thing I would worry about.....
I had a friend who put up with this for three years. It almost destroyed her and she made a decision that whilst she could usually get her head around his wandering she couldn't do it to the children. They were bewildered and upset.
Be strong...... You sound together about the baby. Be the best mum you can be......

MarlaSinger · 18/01/2009 17:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotPlayingAnyMore · 18/01/2009 17:57

If he doesn't have any disposable income then where is he staying when he disappears for a week?

Original poster
Ace100309 · 18/01/2009 17:59

He has his own flat. He struggles to pay the rent and bills but he refuses to move in, so.....

OP posts:
MarlaSinger · 18/01/2009 18:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Ace100309 · 18/01/2009 18:06

Because, I quote, "I like my own space and what if we split up I will be homeless"

Its all just a load of BS....if he wanted to live with me, he would. Simple. He's just creating stupid excuses.

Everyone likes their own space but when you are in a relationship with someone it is a natural progression. I just dont understand. If one of my friends was going through this I would be so harsh...i'd be like "take your keys back, don't let him have a home when he feels like it he's having his cake and eating it etc" but when its me I cant follow through.

OP posts:
mrsmaidamess · 18/01/2009 18:09

I'm sorry, but why did you want to have a baby with this selfish person?

Earlybird · 18/01/2009 18:12

Get him to rent out his flat so he can move in with you. Rental payments would cover the expenses he is now struggling to pay, and if the two of you split he could get the flat back eventually.

But, he does sound like he is looking for excuses to keep you at arm's length.

Original poster
Ace100309 · 18/01/2009 18:13

I think I got caught up in the fantasy of it all. Honestly I think I thought he'd change so I only really have myself to blame as I should know by now that you cant change someone.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 18/01/2009 18:27

It sounds to me you just have a fuck-buddy and not really a "relationship" as such.

He sounds like a twattish fuckwit scatty dreamer to be honest, am really not sure what you are getting out of this.

Perhaps you should be prepared to be a single mother. Many, many people do it.

Leo9 · 18/01/2009 18:51

I guess our weaknesses always find us out in life in the end It seems very likely to me that you will be a single mum and that it was a very unwise and questionable choice to have a baby with this man. You will have to live with the consequences of that choice - as we all live with our own choices.

I think the main thing you could do now for your child when it comes is make sure that this man is aware you expect him to face his responsibilities financial and emotional for the child.

MorrisZapp · 18/01/2009 19:31

If you stopped making an effort with this guy, what would happen?

From what you've said, it sounds like your relationship would dissolve if it wasn't for you doing the work for both of you.

Easy for me to say but I'd tell him enough was enough, and end it. If after time he wanted you back you would then be in a position of strength to state your needs and expectations.

At the moment, he has no reason to change.

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