Lonely man

[Youcancallmeal]

Okay. I know I'm going to get lots of shit from this message, but I'm going to type it anyway. I'm a man stuck in a broken celibate relationship with no money to allow us to separate and two small DDs that I think the world of. This makes it practically impossible to have any normal kind of of dating activity let alone intimacy. I'm lonely and frankly I miss sex and need some. Is that so wrong? I could never go to a prostitute but it's so frustrating. The DIY version is really no substitute for the intimacy of a woman's body! I also miss kissing like mad and have been told a couple of times that I'm very good at it! What do I do??

is it broken and celibate for your wife too?

I'm not going to flame you, you must be quite lonely.

Have you and your partner had counselling? Why doesn't she want to have sex? Is she not able to? Would she be prepared to contemplate an open relationship - have you discussed this at all?

Does your wife feel the same way?

Perhaps you need to work out how to fix it again. Have you considered Relate?
And as Laurie says does your wife feel the same way? Why does she think the relationship has gone stale?

A little communication can go a long way.

It is broken for my wife to. She would ideally like to me leave, but finances don't permit. We have done the whole Relate thing, but our relationship has gone beyond that. It is properly broken.

Can you possibly come to some sort of agreement where you permit each other to date others. Surely she's lonely too. Obviously it wouldn't be wise to bring people back to the house. But this may work in the short term until you're both in a financial position to separate. Have you discussed this at all?

If you are both really genuinely agreed that there is no further relationship possible then hopefully you still have enough respect for each other to want each other to be happy.

Maybe you can both start dating again. If there is no animosity you can take it in turns to look after the children.

There are websites that cater for your sort of situation - similar to Match.com etc but for people who are married.

As others suggested, can't you stay together for now to coparent your children , while accpting the marriage is in fact over?

there was an article about a similar situation in today's telegraph, ie people who would otherwise split being unable to sell their house. I tis quite common at the moment.

i have friends who are agreeing to do this as thay can't sell their house.

Would your wife agree to this? WOuld it work for you?

That's what they always say

There are couples who stay together under one roof for various reasons but are well and truly "over" the relationship and date other people. Whether there is a formal separation/divorce or not is probably irrelevant. If it's over, it's over.
It's not ideal but - what is?

Sorry to say this but being 'lonely' isn't usually a state of mind that leads to a fulfilling relationship - many of us who are single are 'lonely' but it doesn't make us ready for a relationship.

I can't imagine many women would want to date a man still living in the marital home although I guess it is possible. Would it not be better just to wait until you're in a better position to start afresh? Presumably you wouldn't want to live there forever - I mean once you had a new relationship and it had taken off, you would perhaps want to co habit with the new person? Have you thought about how you are going to manage that? unless you choose someone with her own place I suppose..

I think it's more a question of waiting for someone who is right (and whom you are right for) than just going out with women because you are lonely and want a woman's body next to you. Sex isn't everything and I'd be wary of a man who was so recently out of (or still actually in) a relationship with his wife - albeit an altered one.

Once you can survive on your own - on every level - you'll be a candidate for moving on.

If you both agree that the relationship is over, and neither of you want to do anything to try to mend it, but you both want to be full time parents, or you can't afford to run 2 homes, then you can agree to, like others have said, co-parent but lead separate lives too. You would need rules of course, but you can agree them.

There are many different ways to lead a happy family life.