Would it bother you if your dh partook in his hobby/exercise EVERY day?

[DrNortherner]

My dh is a fitness freak and is obsessed with cycling - performance cycling, in lycra on a carbon framed bike.

He is a memeber of a local group, and on Sundays they do a ride from 9am till 2pm. Sometimes later if he choses a longer ride.

Independantly of this he cycles every night, albeit after ds had gone to bed, but he is still out for 1 hour or more. if he is pushed for time he will run, or get his pro trainer out in the back yard. He also ocassionally plays squash, and football once a week.

I am a memebr of a gym, and try to do 3 spin classes a week, but I am flexible and can miss classes depending on other stuff. He will never miss what he does, he does it rain or shine, christmas day, boxing day or shrove bloody tuesday.

As you can tell, it sometimes causes friction, mainly when I say, 'are you going on your bike again?'

He says I am lucky he is not out shagging/getting pised and rolling in at 4am like some men

of course it's great he keeps so fit, I just wish he was not so bloody obsessive about it all.

What do you think?

Given that he will cycle in bad weather, you should agree that if there is nice weather on a weekend day you will do something en famille.

See my DH also does a sport that means he is out for most of Sunday most weekends, and in Summer for 2-3 evenings during the week as well. But I DO think that is a bit too much when you have DCs.
He often offers to look after DS on Saturday so I can do something I want to, to make up for his Sunday absences, but the thing is, if I am off doing something by myself all Saturday and he is off all Sunday, we get no time together as a family; but if we do family stuff on Saturday I get no time to myself. He sees what I mean about that, so he WILL sometimes miss an evening or even skip his Sunday session so that we can get some more time together, do any important jobs or if we want a weekend away.
If he was as inflexible as your DH though I would be really p*ssed off, thing is if you have kids then you are quite tied down whenever he is out biking; and if you are like me, I bet you hate asking him to miss a ride so you can do something instead because you feel bad for making him miss it unless you have something really "important" on, am I right?
I would remind him that your life is supposed to change when you have kids and that some sacrifices have to be made, at least once in a while!
PS - is he going to get a bike seat and take DS out on it? My DH and me are both keen cyclists too (though not as much as your DH!) and can't wait to try out DS in his shiny new bike seat as soon as it gets a bit warmer!

Yes it would. He plays tennis for ~2hours at a time so we'd never have any time together.

OP, if he's at all serious about the fitness for his sport, then he should be taking rest days.

I am ROFL at the thought of asking dh to put a bike seat on the back of his trek madone!!! ha ha, no way!!!!

Anyway, ds is 6 so a bit ol for that, but yes, they do go out together on bikes as ds can cycle on his own.

My bloke cycles frequently and I think it's great. It means he is fit with a good body and has interests. I would hate to be married to a fat bloke with no interests. I also have interests so he's happy for me to do mine. I knew he was a keen cyclist when I met him , so think the marriage vow thing is a bit irrelevent.
You do have to do any sport regularly to be good at it, much like playing a musical instrument.
There is still time for us both to be with the kids and stepkids. When kids get older they don't want their parents fussing over them all the time and doing "family things" anyway, so having your own interests is great. With small kids you just have to make sure he does his share of childcare, tedious housework etc so you get time to do your stuff as well.

I would be fine with the Sunday ride. The every evening would only be a problem if you had no time together in the evening as a couple.

In our house dh gets back at 7, does 1 hours 20 minutes with dd. DD then goes to bed plus story at 8.20. We then have 1 hour 40 minutes together every night before he goes to bed. If he took an hour of that as exercise time every night it would seriously cut down on our private time for watching a film, talking and shags.

How I would approach this with him would be to say I like spending that time with him in the evening. I would never tell him what to do with his time but I do know that if he was doing this and if I pointed it out to him that I wanted his body in the evening he would likely cut it down to 3 times a week.

It generally sounds like a good thing to me which you should be supportive of (even if through gritted teeth) if he compromises with one night a week off and one weekened a month with no cycling.

It does sound quite obsessive levels, but obsessive hobbies are not unusual and there are worse ones he could have.

He lovs cycling, he loves you he has both, I bet he's a very happy man, he just needs to compromise a bit to maintain both happily.

I couldnt tolerate it personally.

Luckily my dh is a couch spud who doesnt want to go any where without us.

2Rebecca - ha ha,some 'fat blokes' also have interests you know!

True, I just don't generally find fat blokes sexy, so am keen for my bloke to stay in shape, he feels the same way about me. Fancying someone is a big part of a sexual relationship. If you fall in love with a well toned person then your feelings for them may well change if they turn to flab, you'd still "like" them, but not be as keen to pull their clothes off, and people who exercise alot often do get flabby if they stop exercising as they're used to being able to eat alot.

Well today he decided to miss the ride and we all went out with the dog and met up with his brother's family/kids too. It was lovely. We did however take a look in our local cycle shop at some new wheeld he is coveting but has no chance of affording!

He has gone to evening spin class to avoid withdrawl symptoms

My boyfriend is an athelete and he trains everyday. If he's not at the track or the gym he is fast asleep cos he's so exhausted from training and working full time......I try and understand but I do get frustrated.

Well my ex h used to be incredibly controlling and tried to make my going out running difficult. Always a face and a moan about it. It was a big contributary factor to the split tbh.

I don't feel sane unless I exercise at least 6 days a week and would be very resentful of anyone who tried to stop me. Mind you I only go for 40 mins max.

DrNortherner I like the way your dh presents you with 2 alternatives...either he's training OR he would be shagging around/getting pissed. There is a middle ground!

Lots of men use these over the top comparisons to highlight how lucky their wives really are, think of what he could be getting up to.

FWIW I think his hobby sounds more like an unhealthy obsession and if its making you miserable, and you sound like a very sane, fair person to me, then he's got to wind it in a bit.

dh and I have different interests, so we compromise. (we both work and dd is at school)
on monday eve we are both in.
tuesday dh is in and I go to the gym on the way home from work.
weds, normally both in.
thurs dh goes and plays chess.
weekends are flexible - we might be seeing family or friends. I belong to a cycling group, but only go out with them on a sat or sun if we don't have other commitments.

my dad was like your dh. It used to drive mum mad when I was a baby, esp. as weekends when he'd disappear for a day leaving mum in the house (she couldn't drive).

well see, I'd give anything for my dh to actually take an interest in excercise

'are you going on your bike again?' Oh dear. How strange. This is a scene taken directly from our house too DrN because my dh is also a besotted cyclist and I know only too well this old chestnut.

The Sunday rides you mention have over the years caused HUGE arguments here and as more dc arrived I felt more and more left to get on with things alone.

Even when he came back at 2/3pm (I had a puncture/crash whatever) there was still the bike to clean and we could finally think about dinner and family v late in the day.

Then we've had special diets and early nights and early starts and trips to France (well not me too) and yes funnily enough I've also been told
' I am lucky he is not out shagging/getting pissed and rolling in at 4am like some men'

Hmmm. What to do? Well tbh we never really found a hard and fast solution but boy did we 'discuss' the subject heatedly!

All I can say is that now the dc are a little older and it's all less intense with them I must admit I have mellowed a bit and with age so has he.

It's not so full on these days and I get time during the week when dc are at school during the day to do things I need to.

I don't feel so swamped with toddlers (I had 3 under 3 yrs at one point) and I am more agreeable to his hobby. Dh also tries to fit in rides to and from work which makes it more part of the day rather than tacked on, but yes he does belong to a club that runs Sundays and races during evenings in the summer.

The trouble is it's not a hobby you can semi-commit to and seems to require a v high level of fitness in order to partake. He actually gave it up for thee years at one point because it just couldn't fit in round our young family. There have been times when I would have gladly torched the shed and sacred bikes within though

The bizarre thing with me though is this is second generation for me. My father was also cycling crazy and I grew up listening to he and my poor mum having the exact same arguments.

Odd lot though cyclists..

Dh used to keep his bike (he only had one in those days) in the spare room. We actually had a spare room then because it was pre dc.

I used it to dry the washing on it and he'd go nuts. I think it was a little row of pants and socks airing across the hallowed crossbar that did it for him one day. One/nil to me against the bloody bike on that occasion!

If DH was out of the house, not partaking in family time, then yes it would bother me. I wuld think his priorities were in the wrong place.

Tsar you have made me laugh! Back in the day when dh had only one bike - mine now has 3. but his pride and joy lives in the house.

I am sure there is a middle ground to be found, and I am very concous that I do not want to nag him. He is a happier man when he has had a good ride, fresh air and tons of exercise. Life is just busy busy busy isn't it and it always seems to be me who makes the compromises.....

Thanks all for yuor comments.

I guess my I would not be happy to come second to a pile of carbon whatever.... and I would also find it difficult to be with someone who was a one trick dog especially if I did not like the trick.

Another cycling DH here! What is it with bikes?!