ok then a positive thread for all of us who have been through the mill and come out the other end!!

[macdoodle]

There are so many depressing threads here at the moment - so I'll start one on a positive note
I finally have the strength after 3 hellish years, to file for divorce and have the courage to stand up to my STBXH as hard as it is
I have the attention of a very nice man and even if it doesnt lead to anything, it has bolstered my self esteem and proved to me that there are some good uns out there
Whose next then ??

No happy story yet (but there will be one day - I am sure of that!).

But I hope this is the start of something great for you - Good Luck

Ahhh maccy - well done poppet - pleased to hear you are getting back out there and moving on = great news.

Ooh good luck. I feel a bit like old Cinders- I used to be a single parent after divorce from yukky ex, went cleaning for a living (to fit in with ds school hours,but HATED IT). Had three years during which I fell in love, had my heart broken (ok deviating a bit from the Cinders theme), got over it, dated (ahem. quite a lot, actually). Then met my Prince Charming in (wait for it) a NIGHTCLUB!!!! (yes it is possible to meet nice men in those places.)
Now happily (mostly ) married, beeeeyooootiful baby. No need to go cleaning any more.
Best thing I ever did, divorcing the first one.

I had a really awful abusive ex, and agonized for years about leaving- once I did, I literally straightaway met the most amazing man who I swear is the love of my life...3 years later, I feel totally in love and happy, and he treats me like a goddess- we just laugh and get along brilliantly. To anyone who feels like they are walking on eggshells constantly, I can tell you it doesn't have to be like this! There really are lovely men out there

Hi MacD.
What a great post. I'm so happy for you.
DP and I had a hellish year last year but we are still together and closer than ever. We still have the odd ups and downs but having lost it all once I think we are trying harder this time as we both know how painful it would be without each other.
(He even buys me flowers now )

When i left my abusive ex, i was niave, shy, timid, uneducated, never had a job and very insecure (all due to/brought on by his mental/physical abuse and controlling behaviour) His parting words were: 'you will never survive without me or my money'

15 yrs on i have travelled, partied, been to uni, got a great job, had some wild times, basically re-discoverd myself and become a whole new person, and now earn more money than he does

DH and I have been through a nightmare over the last few years. I have been to hell and back with health problems and resolving childhood issues with my parents (who i no longer see at all).

BUT, this year we seem to have finally come out of the long dark tunnel into the light at the other end and feel our love is so much deeper and stronger now. We feel as if we are on a second honeymoon (without actually going anywhere) and I feel happier than i have felt in a long, long, long time.

It's onwards and upwards now!

Hey vinegar were our exDHs related? Your story could easily be mine and like you I have done a whole lot more than merely survive despite him trying to sabotage me for years.
I'm so glad he finds it a bitter pill to swallow!

Both parents died. Just afterwards left a controlling partner with ds 3 and dd 6 months. stayed in family home in the middle of blooming nowhere, petrifed every time the security light was set off by a cat. Boiler broke. Washing machine broke. dd had serious infection with nurses coming in daily. No job and one week just £7 in the bank, getting up at 6 to do boot sales with both dc to raise some, any cash. No contact with ex.
3 years later have house, job, about to start college and just met chap who seems thoroughly decent; although I'm not looking to repeat the cohabitation nightmare he is a great addition to life at present. Dc see their father regularly and he and I can hold an amicable, even friendly, conversation. Last night I booked a babysitter and walked out of the front door, met friend for glass of wine and realised how good life is. It is hard to remember the days when I'd given up on everything and the need to look after dc was all that kept me going.
Oh, and I am not in the least a capable type, was sh*t scared and if I hadn't been 'through the mill' and HAD to do it I would never have learned to be the strong person I am today. Really did learn the hard way I suppose. Am 41.

ninah, i totally agree, although going through the mill was an utter nightmare,(especially coming to terms with the fact that i was abused as a child), it has made me stronger and i have so much more self confidence and self belief and I am a better parent for it as well. I'm 38, will be 39 this year.

Brilliant thread Mac if only to see you so happy!!
I am so pleased for you, so proud of you and so glad that you finally found the courage to take that final step {smile]

I am pleased that I didn't give up on my DP, that I took the time to understand him, to help him by simply not leaving him, not giving up on him. I have found in him the good man that I knew deep down was there. And now he knows he is a good man too and we are both reaping the rewards I am a happy bunny!!