Hi Kissalot. I am so sorry to hear you are going through the mill at the moment. I do know some of how you must be feeling.
I go through similar scenarios with my dh. I love him to bits but we never ever discuss anything without an arguement. Something is always taken the wrong way and it gets heated, blah blah... so we are constantly arguing, even when the children are around. What makes it worse for me is that the children are not his, they are from my first marriage. He has little conciousness about how they might feel. If/when it is his own children who get caught up in the arguements, it is totally different.
Anyway, I digress... my dh does suffer from depression and has difficulties in harnessing his anger. He is never violent but has bouts of moodiness, anger at himself, what he does, etc... lack of self worth in many respects.
I have always been the one who hated the idea of marriage guidance... seriously. It broke my first marriage to smitherines. It was on its way out but I believed it was fair and just. Believe me it was not. Less of that... more of how to get on with sorting this out.
I am now at the stage where I have agreed to some sort of counselling - the both of us, to find out where we actually are in the relationship, if there is one.
I certainly feel trapped in my marriage. Not only is my dh suffering from depression, he also has a probability of AS. The syndrome where the person suffering has little or no concept of others feelings or needs. (great)
I am not suggesting leaving your partner, nor am I saying you should put up with it and feel trapped. This is not good for any relationship. However, your suggestions seem good and heartfelt to you, but try to feel how they must feel to him.
Remember that he is a man, who is a sufferer of depression.
You have made a step in the right direction for you both but...
The last thing a depressed person needs to hear is things like, pull yourself together, cheer up, lets sort it out, blah blah, because they cannot. No matter how hard you try, tell them, show them etc, there is no pulling them out of it.
He has agreed to go to anger management but never went thro with it. This seems to be a willingness to keep you happy but he cannot find it in himself, past the depression, to actually make a commitment.
Not to put too finer point on things, and please forgive my own opinion, but I think he needs to see a doctor to find a way, tablets if necessary, to get out of his own rut of depression before he can even attempt to help you with your joint problem, your relationship.
If he won't go to the doctor, then you must go see one to at least talk about what is happening. Naturally the GP cannot make any comment about your partner, but YOU can talk about him/the situ.
I am having to do this about my dh. He is drinking far too much of late but I cannot make him go to the GP. I talk to her about it... in some ways it helps me just to know that someone else understands.
Good luck kissalot. I hope that all sorts itself... be strong, whatever happens. Hugs