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Original poster

In-laws have not remembered dd's 1st birthday.

17 replies

colie · 14/01/2009 13:56

Not sure if I am thinking ill of them for no reason. Maybe they have forgotton as life just goes on.

We do live 200 miles away from our family now. We were up on Boxing Day and mil made a comment about the next birthday being one of her grandsons. I then corrected her and told everyone in the room that my DD's birthday was next. All of DH's family were in the room at the time. A couple of them actually repeated the date back to me, as if they were happy I had reminded them. .

Anyhow not one of them has remembered. He has a mum,dad, two brothers and a sister who were all there.

DD is our third child and pil's 8th grand child. Am I being too hard on them.

OP posts:
ForeverOptimistic · 14/01/2009 13:57

No you are not being too hard. Make sure you forget all of their birthdays when the time comes.

Original poster
colie · 14/01/2009 14:13

Might forget to post birthday cards to in laws in future, and might forget to remind dh to phone and wish them a happy birthday. Though I couldn't not send their kids cards and presents.

Though I have just remembered, we never got a christmas card from any of them. What a weird family I am married into .

OP posts:
Doha · 14/01/2009 14:17

Absolutly not.
It's so very hurtful when this happens. My DH's entire family have forgotten his birthday for the last few years while mine all sent him cards. I know he was so hurt by this.
My DS was 18 in December and SILx 2 has still not acknowledged this depite one being his Godmother. Last year he got his birthdat present in April!!! I almost told them where to put it.They don't even ahev distance as an excuse as tey live 10miles away.
I try never to forget birthdays etc-so no more Mr nice guy l have decided that l will be at least 2 weeks late with cards gifts etc if not longer.
i know two wrongs don't make a right but they have just made me so bloody angry.

ellenjames · 14/01/2009 14:18

i would be livid if it was me! Especially as u told them all a couple of weeks ago!

Doha · 14/01/2009 14:18

Sorry spellling not my strong point

pleasechange · 14/01/2009 14:21

You're not being too hard on them at all - that's very hurtful

My MIL forgets DH's birthday every year. He won't let on to me that he's upset, but he must be. I read somewhere that a birthday is memorable if not more so for a mother than the child, which makes sense when you think about it, given that it was such a big day! But my MIL would be too busy thinking about which pair of shoes to buy next to be dwelling on such things

Broodybean · 14/01/2009 14:43

I forget birthdays all the time esp people i dont see very often, or those that live far away. It doesnt mean I dont care i'm just a bit scattered really and i'm forever feeling guilty about it. Mine has been forgotten as well tbh. The scattered gene is inherited in our family unfortunately.
Perhaps next christmas you can buy them a calender with the birthdays already written in, it will serve as a hint and a helpful reminder for them.

Original poster
colie · 14/01/2009 14:47

Some families are just so horrible. I couldn't imagine not remembering my own child's birthday. I am so angry on behalf of your dh's.

My mil probably would forget dh's birthday but it is the same day as her's. So when he phones to wish her a happy birthday she can then say the same back

OP posts:
lessonlearned · 14/01/2009 14:47

I would follow from the "2 wrongs etc" viewpoint. in fact In your shoes I would be soooo right that I would have to be elevated to sainthood.
Imagine their horror when they realise the error of their ways but even if it's deliberate, your continued best wishes will be a thorn in their side.

herbietea · 14/01/2009 14:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
colie · 14/01/2009 14:56

I can understand that there are certain birthdays you forget.

I just hope that I don't forget my grand kids, unless I am that old that the old memory cells become too old to remember. Pil don't have old age as an excuse.

Also the fact that not one of them sent a card, especially when they were only reminded a couple of weeks ago.

OP posts:
BlameItOnTheBogey · 14/01/2009 15:48

I can see why this upsets you but please don't read too much into it. Some families just don't 'do' birthdays in the same way. Dh's family have never so much as sent him a card on his birthday and didn't even phone/ send a card when DS was born. It's just their way and doesn't mean they care any less.

Twims · 14/01/2009 15:54

Can you email/mms them a photo of dd opening her presents/eating cake and see what the response is?

kerala · 14/01/2009 18:59

Poor you it is hurtful.

My ILs have no other grandchildren, are fit and healthy and do "do" birthdays. When I called a week before dds first birthday to invite them to a little party they asked what the party was in aid of. The worst of it is they are organised people it would have been easier to understand if they were abit ditzy. Just not that interested

aseriouslyblondemoment · 14/01/2009 19:58

yes it is extremely hurtful
my exh family did this all the time
or they arrived very late
the most irritating thing is that ex mil still can't spell my dd name properly insisting on using the non English version
but the funniest thing was that when i had my birthday recently she sent me a card..
..and that one did arrive on time!!

Original poster
colie · 14/01/2009 20:51

All my family remembered (very smug) emoticon. After all, that is all that is important.

OP posts:
RaspberryBlower · 14/01/2009 21:04

Both me and my dad forgot my nephew's first birthday. My brother was hurt and we felt terrible. We both love my brother and my nephew very much though, it was just that they live abroad and with it being his first, we weren't used to having to remember it. It has never happened again. God forbid! But maybe let them off this one time, but not if they do it consistently.

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