Can a relationship ever survive a termination?

[namechanged08]

I have just found out I am pregnant. DH and I have one dd and decided we would like another baby to complete our family. I was pleased when I first found out I was pregnant but now I just feel so depressed I feel like the only alternative is a termination. I cannot sleep, cannot eat and basically cannot get out of bed. I realise I have made an awful awful mistake getting pregnant and I wish I could rewind the clock. I just don't think I can cope with another baby. I had a horrendous birth with my dd, it took me a long long time to physically recover and a long time to bond with my daughter. I don't know what I was thinking getting pregnant again, but I know I have major problems and need counselling.

I have told DH how I feel and he is very upset and wants to have the baby but understands how I feel. He cannot cope seeing me so depressed and worries I think for my state of mind. Do you think a relationship can ever recover after a termination. I realise that mainly, it is men that want their partner to terminate, rather than the other way round and I feel absolutely terrible. I know I will live with the guilt forever but cannot see a way out of this other than termination but do not want to lose my dh.

thankyou so much everyone, for your lovely and very helpful replies. I am feeling much better about things and have managed to drag myself out of my depression to come to work today. I still seem to fluctuate from thinking "I can have this baby" to "I need to have a termination now". This seems to happen hourly. Had a tricky evening with dd last night, she wouldn't go to bed, kept throwing tantrums (all normal toddler behaviour!) and I was staight on the pc looking at the Marie Stopes website and reading about chemical abortions. I tried to ring the number to make an appointment but couldn't bring myself to do it. But then this morning dd was being just lovely and I thought, how can I even think about getting rid of a baby who will turn out to be as lovely as current dd. My head is such a mess, my feelings all over the place.
Ninah- thanks for sharing your experience with me, you do not know how much better I feel knowing I'm not the only person in the world who deliberatley got pregnant but then felt unable to carry on with the pregnancy. Sorry you had a miscarriage but great you now have your dd.
Differentname- thanks for sharing your experience too. I am so glad you have a better second birth. I think women who've had such horrendous births first time round are so deserving of a better birth experience.

Glad things are better but do try and find some support. Wish I'd done, like you I felt completely mystified by the feelings and unable to admit to them but since it seems they are not entirely uncommon I'm sure you'll find an understanding ear. Keep us posted
and by the way dd who I went on to have afterwards was an absolutely gorgeous baby and a joy to bring up, she still is!

Yes it can.

But if you are fluctuating I would say from my own experience don't do it.Same situation 4 years ago.Had abortion then had real problems myself getting over the termination.Did go on later anyway to have a second dc but still regret my termination.Are you sure you just want one dc and will not want more - that means totally accepting this.

Being pregnant is scary so is a traumatic birth but a termination is really difficult emotionally in these circumstances.

You do sound depressed - go to the GP ( a good one) and be completely honest as you have been here.