Whats going on and why hasnt he called me ???

[mumnotarobot]

So ive been with my partner three years. We share my son but we dont live together. Yes...complicated. Actually it works well. Or so i thought. Since 2009 ive seen him once. This was meant to be our year to get things together. He hasnt called and he hasnt even checked up on my son. Im completely confused by the whole thing. The last time we spoke he said this year is about him getting himself together and sorting his life out. This may seem selfish, although im glad he wants to sort himself out. I cannot comprehend why he needs to do it by not spending time as a family. I dont even feel like i have a partner. Ive sent him texts, just general ones to check up on him. But because i dont want to get into a year of arguements and rows i havent confronted him on this issue. Until now... ive just called him, three times with no response. So i left a message asking him to get back to me and tell me whats going on. Should i have done so? Well, thats neither here nor there, ive done it already.

Advice please
Many thanks in advance
xx

Um - he's not a partner, he's an ex.

ok, its a little more complicated than that. We havent rowed. He is the father to my son and he is a great dad who will never intentionally hurt his son or me. Thats why i dont understand whats going on. W all spent the christmas together and everything was great. I just dont understand...and its not another female that i know for sure.

What about himself does he need to "get together"? Do you know?

Well assuming he is not so ill he can't answer his 'phone, I would be pretty mad with him tbh.

Would it be possible to check with his friends or family if he is ok?

Yes, what is it he needs to get together? And what's his practical input been for you and DS so far?

well as you have ds together i think he needs to be in touch
think its very sad
you have a right to be annoyed
your ds needs his daddy too
i wouldn't tolerate it personally
but wouldn't want to enter into mind games either thou hope this isn't the case
when was he meant to be seeing/having him next?

It sounds as if he is avoiding you. Question is - why?
Does he live near? Could you pop round?
Do you have any mutual friends who can tell you what he is up to?

I know this sounds awful, but when men have done this to me, it meant it was over-and they didn't have the guts to say so.

Why have you not "formalised" your relationship in any way? I don't mean marriage, but why has the relationship stuck with you living separately when you have a child? Is that your choice, his, or amutual decision?

are you apart because of work?

if not then I think the whole thing is a bit weird and it's possibly very confusing for your son.

We live apart due to work and also we've tried living together twice and didnt work out. Ive spoken to him...he didnt think hes been ignoring me. But i told him i need more than just a part time partner to me and father to his son. Adn until he sorts out whatever he needs to sort out in his life i cannot hold onto someone that doesnt prioritse me in their life. I dont know if that was the best decision but i also told him i dont want him contatcting my son. If my son asks for him then i'll call him. He seemed to be quite upset, and so was i if im honest. I mean three years is a long time, but i just cant go on like this. Living lonely in a relationship.

Do you think if you tried living together again there is any chance it might work out?

It sounds complicated but are you sure what you want too? In your original post you say that the part-time arrangement suits you but your latest one says that you need more than a part-time partner. Maybe he doesn't think he's been ignoring you but in my book there has to be a good reason for unanswered texts/calls. You need to get together and talk properly and establish some ground rules, both for your sake and the sake of your son. If he wants space, can you give it to him? How old are you both?

I'd think hard about denying him access to his child - I know he's only 3 and he may not necessarily ask for his dad but children take in a lot at that age. Even if you can't be with him, I'd suggest you think long and hard about having him in your life for the sake of your child. My ex left me and it hurt like hell but he plays a huge part in our DD's life and she's very happy.

very odd generally.

how often did he contact your son/you before?

Maybe you should put your child first?
Otherwise he will grow up without knowing his father- that's a lot to take away from a child.

Surely if you can go as far as to have a child with a man you can find a way to have joint access so that the child grows up in a stable situation?