I Have Been Dumped In The Most Patronising Way Possible

[GoodRiddance]

Potted history - We dont live together because of past abusive behaviour but I love him and wanted a baby with him whilst making quite clear we would live in seperate houses.
His behaviour improved but still was controlling and a depressive. Kept trying to persuade me to live with him.

He has been saying for a while he is not happy with this and needs to be "with" someone. Doesnt think I am "with" him. This despite the fact that I would be happy to come and spend nights at his house with DD, and he is welcome at mine.

But no - I cant sleep with him because I have to wear earplugs and I "make" him wear snore strips. Sorry, thought that was called compromise!

I have done SO much for this man and bent over backwards trying to make it work. Supported him emotionally and financially and all the while he has just been taking it while trying to manipulate me round to his way of thinking.

Now he is saying that we should "just be friends" and that he'll be "more affectionate" and "You know what you meant to me" (note charming use of past tense).
It wont be a clean break because of DD, and I want her to grow up knowing her Dad, but I cant bear this woolly-minded logic and "Who knows one day we might be able to make it work"

Charitable interpretation: He doesnt know what he wants.
Realistic impression: He's an arse.

He sounds like an arse

Stop choosing to be with him

Don't stay with an abusive man.

Cheek on both sides and shit coming out the hole in the middle? Yep, he's an arse.

You can have an ex-partner and father of my child relationship without having to spent mental energy on this person you know. Move on!

can't quite see the problem here unless he is either
a) refusing to have sex with you now
b) wanting to have sex with someone else

He does know what he wants - he wants to you to do what he says! And until you do, he is going to punish you.

Thank you - this is what I need to hear!
He has a public self and a private self - the public self is sooooo charming, charismatic and friendly.
The private - real - him is a moody manipulative joyless depressive with no empathy and a love of making himself the victim.
He cried and I ended up comforting him FFS.
Thumbwitch I said as much to him. You know what he said "You've got what you want, you're happy. I've got nothing"
And we have had sex twice in the last year.

I cant get over how subtle and subversive the "punishment" is. He likes seeing me cry I think, likes knowing he can affect me.

Stay strong and Stay Away.

You deserve better than this

you've dodged a bullet.

block him on everything you can and DELETE him from your life.

because he's a loser.

Run AWAY! WTF do you want to waste any time or effort on this wanker for? He doesn't love you. He probably never did. There are lots of men out there who might well love you properly, treat you nicely, appreciate you etc - and even if you don't find one straight away it is far better to be on your own than hanging around some silly bellend like this trying to 'make' him love you.
HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU AND YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING TO CHANGE THAT.
DOn;t waste a SECOND more of your time on him.

And you haven't been dumped, you have been given a 'get out of hell jail free card' -

I agree, run for the hills.
No empathy is a v bad sign in deed ( i know, my ex was spectacularly lacking in that dept)

Seriously get out there are lots of nice guys around if only you stop wasting time with bad ones ( that's my new motto for 2009)

Big massive red flashing warnings signs from this mans behaviour!!!

Run before he completely manipulates you into thinking he is the sane one.

It's hard to imagine life without him and not how you may have imagined it, but face facts -It's time to get some perspective.
You need to get your head in a different space
One day at a time... sooner or later you will see the light

It will be bright, warm, safe and BETTER than now..

FREE YOURSELF GIRL

oh and well done for refusing to live with him! best move you have made to date.

I have namechanged but would give myself the same advice as you all. Please keep posting - I need to stay strong!
Compared to what he was like before, this is tame, I suppose that is why I chose to stay.
But I deserve better.

Whomovedmychocolate, lol, never a truer word spoke! I shall use this line again if it's not copywrite.

The first sentence was flashing big red lights at me - past abusive behaviour.

Abusers don't change, they change (or try to) you.

Walk away with your head high.

I was thinking that you maybe ought to give this abusive, controlling, depressive, greedy, manipulative, woolly minded chap the benefit of the doubt - i mean, he might suddenly have a spontaneous personality transplant or something and it's probably all your fault anyway. Or his mum's or something.

But then you said he snored. Well, game over IMO.

Yes he snores, and left skidmarks on my sheets a few times. So WMMC, you are spot on.
Loads of women find him attractive. Just wait till they get a load of the 'real' him.

oh, EWWWWWWWW!!!!!
I cannot begin to really express my deep disgust at that!!
No wonder you don't sleep with him! ech. no one should have to put up with that, no one.

pmsl at the masterful summation, missingtheaction!

Skidmarks on the sheets....no way Jose. OMG, that is truly disgusting.

Eugh! What clearer indication do you need that this man is full of shit?

Please just walk away

Your pride is hurt because he has got the last word

But you are better than him and this relationship and need to move on