My mother

[Haribosmummy]

OMG!! I am in shock! My mother has just called me to demand my facebook password so she can 'look at my photos' cos (apparently) my dad is too incapable of setting up his own account...

I was so shocked, I just told her, but I'm furious now... I'm 36 FFS and she STILL treats me as a child... I said no at first, but she just starts getting upset and ranting. It's not like I even trust her to just look at the photos... She acts all incapable, but she's almost certain to check ALL my inbox messages too..

WHY did I just do that???? Why does the woman need access to my FB page???????????????????????????????????????????????????

ARRGHH"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why on earth did you give her your password?

I'd get on pronto, change the password and at the same time set your mother up with her own account (clearly they have internet access, so do they have email accounts? COuldn't you set your father up?)

Change your password ASAP

Change the password-god,I don't get the living through the facebook thing.

Call her and tell her that you won't be talked to like that-tears or ranting at you won't wash,act like a adult and remind her that you are a adult and ask her for some respect.

Maybe offer to send family photo's via email

Maybe she thinks it's online photo sharing?

Could she just want to look at photos?

I DO send her photos via e-mail, but they have a pathetic talktalk service which doesn't work half the time and is so slow when it does...

I'm so sick of her, she's alredy called me once this morning to ask 'whether she should bring food with her when she comes to visit' FFS.

I am a wife, mother and adult!!!!!!!!!

change your password right now and send her the link that's at the bottom of the page on facebook albums - lets other people without fb see it.

You can share facebook photos with non facebookers I believe. There's a button at the bottom right of the album or piccy I think.

at your mum though. It's the kind of thing my mum used to do a few years ago, but I had put a stop to it because my DH just got more and more vexed with me! Quite rightly!

Plantsitter - she plays on the whole 'I'm unable to use t'internet

she's good at playing that card at any time she isn't getting her own way.

she's also good at telling me what a shit daughter I am and that I think she's a shit mother...

Similar situation here waspriceyp.

When she arriving haribos?

Just change the password then and when she can't get in, tell her facebook must have stopped working. If she's desperate enough for the photos she'll learn how to do it.

Change your password and offer to set them up an account when she comes to visit. Don't let her get to you. Easier said than done I know

Awful isn't it PW! Haribo, I don't even have my family as friends on facebook, because it feels like an invasion of space. I wouldn't want them to read my wall posts or status any more than I'd want them to read my texts!

Thanks WasPriceyP... It's nice to talk to someone who understands!

oh god another mother dearest thread
huge sympathy
have no doubt got this pleasure to come

I'm afraid I was walked over by certain members of my family for years (general toxic behaviour) and for my relationships sake (and for my mental health!) I have had to toughen up and not allow them to treat me like a child-it's tough going though(My dh was also sick of me talking about their behaviour towards me-don't blame him).

Tell your mother she can see the photo's when she visits haribo

You're welcome. I had a huge row with my parents about 2 years ago. Everything came to a head one weekend and on the advice of my aunt (mothers sister) I decided to clear the air. It was bloody awful! But we got over it and now as a consequence have a better relationship.

But it came to a head because I felt that I had to make it clear to them that my DH was my family, if they were going to make me choose.

Chin up! Just be firm with her and leave her to her own devices, she's visiting to see the grandchildren more than anything......that's what I tell myself anyway x

Honestly, I'm already taking lessons from DH's mum (who is the perfect MIL).... She is my ideal of the mum I want to be to my son and to his DW (in time - he's only 7 months old now!! hahahahaha! )

However had it will be, it IS necessary to let kids go and be adults on their own. My mum has never got over 'being the mammy' (she still refers to herself as that - even to my son and dog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF emoticon!)

Poshwellies - my DH was exactly the same! He was sick of hearing it and basically said if you don't sort them out I will!

Haribo, my dad does that. Not refer to himself as the daddy (DH wouldn't let that go very far!), but says to my DS go and see mummy, when he should say grandma. I think it was a mistake at first but no he does it to wind me up I'm sure!

Dad also pointed out to me when DS was about 8 months old "I don't remember any of this stage with you" wtf!

Oh, my parents won't even appear if DH is about... They are both, well, scared is the wrong word, but wary of him, IYSWIM...

My dad is complicent in everything... He would also refer to my mother as 'mam' even though he knows it should be 'gran'

Parents, eh?

Yep I know exactly what you mean! Sometimes it feels to me as if my parents can't cope with anyone not of the same blood!
My mother refers to my cousins wives (and her brothers wives too) by their full (maiden) names. That's weird isn't it? She can always find fault with the "in-laws", but family can do no wrong, even though one element of my extended family are just a better dressed version of shameless.

Haribosmummy

Accessing your FB page is another way of her using and wanting power and control over you. Both she and your Dad clearly see you as someone still not "capable" even though you are now an adult woman with a family of her own.

Your Dad sounds like a bystander: the complicit role is one that these people play often out of self preservation and wanting a quiet life. People who come from dysfunctional families often have set roles - you sound like the scapegoat for their ills.

These people as well rarely change as they more often than not do not accept responsibility for their actions.

You may also want to read "Toxic Parents" written by Susan Forward. Has lots of info in it on how and why such dysfunction occurs.