I have posted my story on Multicultural families. Is a bit of a yarn I'm afraid.
My daughter's father is half Greek/half Iranian. I met him whilst doing teacher training up North. He was working in a local factory and studying English. I really liked him and he really pursued me but i was unsure if our cultures would be compatible as women in his country are treated differently. I also thought that he was excessively charming which I quite liked but didn't trust. fell for it anyway. I decided to give him a chance and fell in love. Just six months into the relationship I got pregnant. I was delighted and loved my baby straight away. I had been broody for years and thought that a baby would cement our relationship. (Please don't laugh- I have learned my lesson!)
I thought that he would be happy too because when we first met he kept asking if I wanted children and it was clear that he adored them. I'd never met a man like that before. He was horrified however and told me to get an abortion. He told me he would leave me if I didn't get and abortion. I was heartbroken and thought about his reasons (he didn't think our relationship was strong enough, we weren't living together and in seperate cities etc etc) but I decided to keep the baby as I loved her too much. I thought that he wasn't worth it. I just took it that he sadly didn't love me as much as I loved him.
During my pregnancy he kept blowing hot and cold. Then when I was four months pregnant he told me we shouldn't see each other until the baby was born and pick up our relationship from then. Charming. He told me he was in a state of shock. He did start to show an interest and started asking me how his 'little angel' was.
He was going through his own drama during my pregnancy. He is from a very close Greek family and his late mum was from Iran. His grandfather was very ill before my pregnancy and died when I was two months pregnant.His dad then went nuts and into a state of deep mourning. Ended up in hospital in Greece. ex spent a lot of time in Greece during pregnancy although I did wonder if he was running.
Then, eight months into my pregnancy his dad runs off to Iran in an unfirm state to be with his late wife's family. Uh oh, I thought.
His dad then wanted the whole extended family to join him in Iran. And guess what , my ex did just that. Left me,his job, his flat etc to go to look after his father. He didn't know when he's be back but I didn't beg him to stay as he was being an arse and was going it alone anyway.
I was fuming though as his dad has 8 or 9 other grown up children and a wife who also joined him. HE DIDN'T STAND UP FOR HIMSELF AND TELL HIS FAMILY ABOUT MY PREGNANCY BECAUSE OF THE SHAME! If he had they would have encouraged him to stay with me but he didn't want the responsibility I think.
Anyways, I gave birth alone, ds is 6 months old and amazing. Am so happy to be a mum but feeling wretched about her dad. I told him when she was born. He was thrilled. He has told his family. They are thrilled. I have sent photos-m he thinks she's georgeous. He desperately wants to see her- but guess what- HE CANT BECAUSE HIS STUPID PASSPORT HAS EXPIRED AND IRANIAN NATIONALS FIND IT HARD TO TRAVEL OUT OF THE SODDING STUPID COUNTRY!After doing my research, this seems quite likely or is he making excuses.
So- he does phone to see how we are. has tried sending us money for Christmas. He tried escaping the country illegally, gota sfar as Turkey but caught and imprisoned. He sounds so sad when he phones. Can't use e-mail as it is censored out there and he raelly hateds the country. He is not muslim but Christian (this I do know as went to church in England)
I think that he's weak and thick and I know I deserve bettre but I do love him and I can't get over him. I'm helping him by trying to contact various embassy's. I feel totally wretched as I want dd to know hher dad and I'm scared being a single mum. I am doing really weel though and dd brightens up my life. She IS my life atm.
So do I wait for him and see how our relationship does on his return. If he returns. Or do I pack it in and start to move onwards and upwards. Total limbo. He's been playing me around - I know.