Devastated

[neva]

Couple of months back met a wonderful man; first I have been interested in since ending a very difficult relationship four years ago. We had lots in common and had six wonderful evenings/nights together. He emailed/texted several times per week. I fell in love. Yesterday he struck the blow; he met his ex-girlfriend by chance; she's decided she made a mistake leaving him and they have decided to re-unite.

I don't really blame him. She's 10 years younger than me, has no children, no complications.

I expected he would just want to stop seeing me; however, he told me he wants us to keep in touch; wants to go on walks, to the cinema. At this moment I want that too, as the thought of never seeing him again is pretty unbearable.

Although I had thought I was happy being single, meeting him has made me realise how much I would like to have a relationship. But I can't imagine meeting anyone to compare with him.

Can anyone help me to to feel better about this situation please?

neva
glad to hear that you're going to be going out next week-end
keep your chin up xx

frumpygrumpy your post has made me feel more positive. If anything transpires, will post.

neva, please heed our rallying cry - YOU DONT NEED HIM.
Reserve your heart for someone who will cherish it and offer theirs -wholly- in return. Keep your dignity and self respect and celebrate the strength and spirit that got you back out in the world.

Hi Neva, really know how you're feeling. I've just broken up with my BF of 8 months, very much in love after painful divorce but not meant to be. No-one else involved though. I think you should try to be strong AND NOT SEE HIM. He wants his cake and eat it, all this stuff about being friends when one party is pretty much heart-broken is utter crap.

If you're thinking you want him back (and I'm not blaming you if you do), then the best way to go about it is to calmly say that it wouldn't be right to carry on seeing him as you still have strong feelings for him. Then do your utmost best to have no contact and see what happens, if anything. Seeing him for walks and whatever will just lengthen the pain and I don't think it's nice of him at all to suggest this - he's being really selfish.

At least you met someone who's restored your faith in being able to have a relationship; that happened to me to and although it didn't work out, I've learned and grown from it. And of course you'll meet someone else and someone a lot better than him I'm sure.

Update; Mr ex has been keeping in touch in a friendly, light-hearted way. Posted me a book he wanted to lend me; text; email. I couldn't not reply, I'm afraid.

Question: I want to join a walking group of which he is a member. In fact, he told me about the group. NOT because I am looking to meet him. In fact it would be easier if he were NOT there. It's just that I need to get out and meet more people and options are really limited. There are no other suitable groups. And I really enjoy walking. Should I forewarn him that I intend joining the group? Should I just go along?

HEre is what i think from your OP - You say you are devestated about this man. OK, but i think its more like this - you are devestated because you have now after a horrible time been in a relationship that makes you feel special and wanted. This has come to an end because he has gone back to his ex and still wants to keep in touch - run to the hills - but not in that particular walking group. I honestly think that deep down it is being in the relationship that you are upset over - not that makes it any less upsetting. I think going anywhere that he is involved in is going to be a mistake - wont his partner be there? How would she feel if she knew he still wanted to go for walks and to the cinema with you - i think she might vito it, and if he is the sort to do that anyway - hes a love rat!

There is something positive to come of this - You have now rediscovered that you want a relationship and that you can find yourself a man. It is highly unlikely that you are going to settle with the first man you meet - it happens of course, but not this time it seems. Get yourself out there, get some new hobbies, find a different walking group, or better still set one up yourself (that way you can vet the other walkers VERY carefully .

Ive never understood walking clubs myself as part of my love of walking is getting away from people, but we are all different that is what makes the world go round.

I have to say that i think this guy is keeping his options open and that does suggest he is pretty shallow - you deserve so much better.

BE STRONG and be happy!

I'm with the posters who say he never actually left the GF at all. He sounds like a prize player to me: he's owned up that there is a GF, that he's 'going back to' yet wants to 'stay friends' which means he wants you hanging around in the background so now and again he can have two halves of shandy, shag you and weep that he was drunk and it shouldn't have happened.
Did he do the 'poor me, just been dumped, boohoo, comfort me (by sucking my cock)' routine when you first met him?

BTW: there is, I suppose, an outside chance that he's softening you up for a poly-relationship ie he and his GF have an agreed open relationship. But the sneaky way he's going about it would suggest, if that were the case, that they are both manipulative and you should (again) run a mile.
You can do better than him, whatever.