DH made redundant

[helplessinseattle]

DH was made redundant back in September and despite numerous applications and interviews he's not had any luck getting another job. I'm trying to be as supportive as I can, but it's hard when he's being moody and taking it out (verbally) on me and our DD.

I do understand that he's feeling a bit lost, without direction and such but find the snappy moods hard to take, and these days he doesn't want to hear anything from me at all, though I don't nag, I try to encourage him and don't say negative things. It must be getting him down but I feel that he's being overly sharp with me and lacks patience with our DD (2 y.o.)

I guess this is just a vent, but are there other MNers with coping strategies? Or how I could help him get through this tricky time?

You poor thing...thats rotten. Can you look for jobs or courses he can do to keep busy?

Maybe wait til he is in a reasonable mood and ask for a chat, and without accusing, try to be understanding but explain how his behaviour is affecting you and DD.

PS Are you in Seattle really? I lOVE it there...

Nah I'm not in Seattle, but I loved the film Sleepless in Seattle

I've helped with finding vacancies, he's decided against even short courses or voluntary work, I just don't suggest anything now, I think he wants to solve this himself now.

I hope I can talk to him about this soon, I wasn't looking forward to going home from work yesterday except to see DD Of course he should be able to vent but I'm feeling like an "emotional punchbag" and TBH resentment is begining to seep in.

is he feeling like a failure. so many men take it as a personal thing that they cant provide for thier families and are a disappointmetn and it would be you he took it out on. they start to loose confidence and struggle to get work (it took a year for mine to go to college). He needs to feel fulfilled but to be fair the market at the moment is making it incredibly hard for everyone to find work. What work does he do - could he freelance or retrain? How much is he supporting you in the house? You cant do it for him - he has to decide to get on with it. Did he love his job or does he have transferably skills that could move him into another marketplace. I really feel for you - its so hard so good luck to you both.

my typing tonight is awful = apologies.

its a really rotten thing to go through but it is best if you try and do it together..

we had same at same time too..financial pressures, emotions etc and change of routine all impacts in it's own way ... we were crunched right out of nowhere and are just coming through other end

dh has not got new job, but i did! and start tuesday
cant quite beleive it, the way it worked out but do sit and look at all your options together and stick together
easier said than done i know, and we all have our moments but made me realise what was important and what we did have

alot of men take it personally i know, dh was more like 'its a game' lets work out what to do next..staying positive etc otherwise it is really a total misery !

if it can be used as a springboard for other ideas, division of labour, what you really want to do, update of skills etc then it is a positive thing though, like an uninvited guest!

Hi helpless. My DH has gone through four redundancies in the our marriage and we are now facing a fifth.

Four months is quite a long time to be out of work... what does he do and where do you live?

DH was sending out up to 50 applications a week and getting interviews for about 1 in 100 applications. Very soul destroying.

As his partner it is VERY difficult for you to strike the right balance between nagging/being sympathetic/appearing patronising.

We got through the worst times by keeping to a working week sort of timetable... Monday to Friday, 9 to 5, he took on the 'job' of finding a job. At weekends we did things that cost nothing... long walks with the dog, took time to cook (cheap) meals together, learned to brew our own wine and beer and went out collecting fallen branches for fuel etc.

I don't know what will work for you two. Try to keep healthy and positive, both of you. Something good will come up eventually.

Fingers crossed for you.