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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

screwed up majorly!! need advice!!!

41 replies

jannasmama · 08/01/2009 17:48

I just told my husband that I cheated on him 6 months ago. The guy was his best friend, Josh, and also happened to be his cousin. We had sex twice and then that was it. The guilt from it has been eating me up since then and finally I had to tell him. His best friend just told his wife yesterday and she didn't take it too well, as I expected. Josh's parents and sisters spent all day yesterday speculating about what happened and putting all the blame on me. I accept my part of the blame for what happened. But they act like he did nothing wrong in this situation. We are both to blame for this situation, but it is none of their business. They aren't entitled to all the details of what happened. Does anyone have advice on how to handle this?

OP posts:

cluelessnchaos · 08/01/2009 22:26

It just doesnt ring true, I am sorry if you are genuine, but I dont think you sound worried or remorseful, you jsut seem to be pouring out a load of salacious details, where did he get a gun? Were the police called? Just sounds strange you using the OM name in the OP.

AnyFucker · 08/01/2009 22:56

OP, have you tattoos of "mam" and "dad" on your knuckles and a sovereign ring on each finger?

have you pasty white corn-beef legs, with spots on 'em?

do you like to wear shell-suits and Kappa training-shoes?

do you call your children "little twat" and "piss off you little fucker"?

and btw, where have you gone ????

duke748 · 08/01/2009 23:26

Gosh.

Not going to enter into the 'troll' debate.

But wanted to sat that some posters seem to be very down on the OM and his suicide attempt and have a lot of sympathy for the OP. Seems a bit biased, and dare I saw it, sexist, doesn't it?

solidgoldsoddingjanuaryagain · 09/01/2009 00:22

I don't think gender comes into it. I would be down on anyone, of any gender or orientation, who tried to blame everyone but him/herself and then staged a totally phoeey fake suicide attempt to get sympathy.

expatinscotland · 09/01/2009 00:23

what solid said, basically.

she talks sense.

nula · 09/01/2009 00:31

solid always talks sense.

Janna this is not the first time a woman gets all the blame for an affair.

just look at some of the mysogynistic drivel on here with respect to the "other" woman.

I hope you and your husband can work things out if that is what you want.

Original poster

jannasmama · 09/01/2009 16:11

clueless: I am remorseful. I wish I could take it all back. I'm just trying to deal with my relationship with my husband. The OM owns a gun. I don't think the police were called, I don't know for sure.

OP posts:

Idrankthechristmasspirits · 09/01/2009 16:44

um, surely they would be called if there were a man in the local park with a gun threatening suicide?

MorrisZapp · 09/01/2009 16:51

What sort of people are they? This sounds like Jeremy Kyle stuff. How can they 'blame' a woman who has sex with a consenting man?

You're both adults and I fail to see how one of you is to blame for your infidelity.

What, is this guy Josh saying that he tripped over with a hard-on and landed in you by accident?

Original poster

jannasmama · 09/01/2009 16:56

he's saying that I talked him into it. he says he didn't really want to, but I wouldn't leave him alone so he gave in.

OP posts:

dittany · 09/01/2009 17:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

jannasmama · 09/01/2009 17:25

not true. It was completely mutual.

OP posts:

SlapDashMum · 09/01/2009 19:40

I SO think it is the worst idea in the world to confess!!!! Look how much it has hurt everyone! You don't like OM's family making it their business - well then you shouldn't have confessed! It is their business because it has affected someone they care about. Your DH's self esteem will have been affected for a long time and why should he have to go through that because of a mistake YOU made? You couldn't live with your guilt any longer - how selfish! Now he has to live with wondering what is 'not good enough' about him. Do you want to stay with your DH? Or is this a subconscious way of making it possible to leave?

solidgoldsoddingjanuaryagain · 10/01/2009 18:04

SDM: try reading the whole thread. It's the OM who blabbered to everyone and turned it into a three-ring circus where everyone has to pity him and blame the poor OP.

SlapDashMum · 10/01/2009 19:38

SolidGold, why don't YOU try reading the whole thread, JannasMamma confessed FIRST and she later said "he only confessed because I did".

abedelia · 10/01/2009 20:58

Does it matter? Agree confessing is posibly the worst thing anyone can ever do if they are not going to be found out (far better to internalise it and eternally lie with the guilt that you are a weak and disloyal / dishonest human being) but it's out there now and (as usual) the female participant is getting all the crap about it. Personally, I'd just write an account of what really happened, give it to the wife and step back. Everyone is going to hate you anyway so far better to bow out knowing the truth has been told by you. What have you got to lose - he really is being pathetic and in his desparation will eventaully contradict himself or give himself away. Support anythnig you say with facts that can be verified (eg wife was at x's birthday party). Good luck... don't you just love affairs and their happy endings?

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