Advice needed - wedding dilemma

[designergirl]

My sister is getting married soon and I am quite upset bcse she has asked her best friend and a colleague none of our family even knows to be her bridesmaids, and also my daughters (age 2 and 5) to be flower girls. I was upset but thought I'd be okay with it.Unfortunately I'm not very good at hiding how I feel and I feel really rejected.
Anyway still, I thought, at least my daughters will be involved. I had a baby last August who's now just 5 months so I do have my hands full.
Anyway my sister wants me to bring girls up to her hotel room (she's getting married in hotel) to get ready and I just can't face the bridesmaids that my sister has rejected me for! maybe it sounds childish, I shld just get over it, right? I just find it so difficult. I said I cldn't get girls there at the time she wanted as we are at least 1 hr away over motorway and I need to breastfeed baby before we set off so need to not arrive too early at wedding as I'll have to feed her again straight away. (every 2 hrs)So now she has accused me of being awkward and has told me not to spoil the wedding, and if they are not there at the time I said they cld get there for (20 mins before)they cld not take part. Thing is, I feel like she was rubbing my nose in it,everyone getting ready for the wedding and me sat there like a third wheel, having nothing to do.She was originally suggesting I cld not dress them, which is the only involvement I will have in my sister s wedding.
My dh is fed up with it and is thinking of not going, and is suggesting maybe we shld all just go as guests instead of dd1 and dd2 being flower girls as it is all too complicated.Also dd2 is only 2 and she usually sleeps at the wedding time so I don't even know if it will work.

I think she's being really thoughtless.

Just wanted some advice. am I being unreasonable to feel upset, and what wld u do/ feel like if it was you.

I think its fairly normal to ask little girls to be flowergirls instead of asking a nursing mother to be a bridesmaid. Its not something to be taken as a snub but just that that's where you are in your life atm. She must know that you have to look after your baby during the ceremony. I think its totally reasonable for her to ask 2 close friends and 2 nieces to do the honours. You are involved through your daughters being flowergirls and you and your dh being important guests. Your sis hasn't rejected you for theses other women, there isn't a limit on the number of bridesmaids. She has decided independently of them not to have a nursing mother as a bridesmaid. She should have spoken to you about it but it is her decision to make and it sounds reasonable if you are feeding every 2 hours and don't even know if you can get to the wedding on time.

As for not wanting your dh to look at other women, that is your issue not your sisters and you can't make it into her responsibility.

In your situation it's quite the normal thing -- your tinies are flower girls and she's asked friends to be bridesmaids. I think you are being unreasonable to be cross but I suppose no one can help feeling disappointed if they want something and haven't got it.

It all seems very normal to me. Especially if you're breastfeeding and have a five month old! I'm a little bit astounded actually. Please don't spoil her (or your daughters' day) by being a grump about it. Be happy and excited for the girls! They will look so lovely.

agree with ohbling

you are clearly still hormonal and feeling insercure, which is perfectly understandable.

but don;t put your issues re your body image or whatever onto her

do you think you might be a little bit depressed?

if you have 3 young children and are breastfeeding it is normal to feel a bit mumsy

can you make sure you have fab dress, get your hair done etc and make sure you look glorious

almost sounds like you are trying to cause a rift so you don;t hage to go because you are feeling a bit grim

On a practical note can you get your Mum or somebody else to deal with getting the girls ready if you really don't feel able to put your feelings aside for 20 minutes?

Yeah, I am a bit depressed I think. I had a tramatic birth an emergency caesarian (the other two were normal deliveries) and then I asked my Mum a couple of weeks after when she was going to come and help me and she was really awful to me. I'm still dealing with tht really, but you are right, I do need to put my feelings aside. My Mum cld look after them I guess

I can understand how you feel about not being asked to be a bridesmaid BUT its her special day, it is only for one day and I think you should do everything you can to help her with her requests?

And just imagine how proud you will be when your gorgeous little girls go down the aisle in their dresses, lovely!!

hi designergirl, the sister things is tough isn't it. but i genuinely think she didn't mean to hurt you at all, rather to honour you by having your two children as flowergirls. she would have known you would have youngest and wouldn't have wanted to make you feel awkward having to turn her down if she asked.

also, don't be hurt at her picking a 'colleague none of our family even knows" as a bridesmaids. people have all kinds of people they are close to, and reasons for picking bridesmaids. I'm speaking as a recent bride. I didn't pick closest people to me necessarily, but in particular I picked a friend who I knew really wanted to be a bridesmaid all her life....

I can understand how you feel, I wasn't even asked to the wedding of an old pal who was meant to have been my bridesmaid (wedding didn't happen - guy an idiot).... however...

I am 100% sure that your sister thinks you have your hands full as it is, and she's probably right. I went to a wedding when bfing it was murder trying to feed discreetly, keep LO quiet and not miss the ceremony/speeches/dancing, far less have two excited flower girls to deal with.

... and I am sure your DH will think more of his wonderful wife and lovely children at the wedding than some bony primped up bridesmaids (everyone knows they always have hideous frocks and stupid hair so as not to upstage the bride). Just enjoy seeing your daughters being flower girls, they will be centre of everyone's attention anyway, skinny bridesmaids or no...