could things ever work with dh - i know i've asked before, please be kind, feel like i'm going mad;(

[littlemucky]

Some of you will know i left my dh in October. Moved in with xp and altho things started off s friends , things develpoed. Beginning of dec, was really missing dh and went back to see how things would go.I told him that xp and i had been together and he took it ok, said he was sad about it but not much of a reaction On second morning, i tried ot pick up a nappy whih was near him, he stopped me and snapped at me that he'd pick it. His tone upset me terribley and just reminded of all the bad stuff. I went to tel him why i was upset but he didn't acknowlege it, just got stroppy and said maybe i should go back! So i did.

The things we had problems with were his snoring which started 4 yrs ago 3 yrs ago dr told him if he lost a bit of weight it should stop. We'd slept in separate rooms for most of the last years because of it. He's now heavier than he was when it started and the snoring is louder. He's done v little to lose weight. Also his grumpiness, lack of interest in us, not making me feel fancied, shouting,(to such an extent ds and i are scared of him)rejecting ds when angry, not expressing how he felt at the time (leaving it till he was angry about something else) were all issues. I also have a leg injury which was likely to have been caused by him 5 years during a violent row ( which i'm ashamed to say i started) He's of the opinion tho it's now worse for him to hurt me than it is for me to hurt him, whih i suppose is right. I also find it a bit embarrassing when in company with him and he makes little effort with conversation (finds it v hard) and appears disinterested and aloof. counsellor said he's probably aspergic

strangely despite all this i'm missing him again even though he has admitted that he gave up making much effort a while ago because i m too demanding, he's only just realised how important him stopping snoring is, it's my fault he shouts because i make him stressed.

I'm seeing my counsellor later. Should i even consider going back to dh (dp would be devastated ;( )?

I'm wondering what it is exactly that you miss about him?

Do you miss him or actually just feel sorry for him? Might be a good idea to take a week out from both of them (with family or friends) to see who you miss and have a good think about who ou want to be with as yu have to make a decision and stick to it or too many people will get hurt....

sounds to me like you're missing the idea of him but not the reality.

tbh i really think you need to be alone for a while. not with dh nor xp. just to find you again and sort out what you REALLY need.

I think this has been raised many times before and you need to probably take some of the advice instead of ignoring it and reposting under different names.

Don't mean to be overly unsympathetic here but maybe go and read some of your previous posts asking the same question and you will see the same advice that people will write here on this occasion.

By the way, the advice given to you on your other posts was excellent. So my advice is.....take the advice as has already been given, it is not going to change.

Yes, a week apart from both might be a very good idea, thanks

I agree with HG. You seem to think that if you disappear for a while and post under a new name or with a slightly different slant on the info you give, that people will give you different advice. THEY WON'T. You are IMO an attention seeker of the highest order. Once again we are being told about something terrible your husband has done, this time a leg injury, how long until you tell us, like your broken finger, that it was probably/actually an accident? Is it any wonder your husband got stroppy with you? You had left him for xdp, allowed him to believe it was just as friends, when in reality you were sleeping with xdp,you then go back to husband and very quickly start reminding him again, of his faults and what he does to make you unhappy. You have probably made him very unhappy and yet if he expresses it in any way, you are on here posting, yet again, about how bad he is. Your last comment, re xdp being devastated, implies to me, that basically, what you want is to have two men, both desperate for you, almost having to prove how much they want you and love you, by pandering to your every whim. frankly, I believe they would both be better off without you. You sound (based on all your previous threads, not just this one) a very selfish, self centred and almost childish person. I really think you need to have time without a man, any man, in your life, to give you time to grow up and to decide whether you want a real adult relationship, or if you really do want what is actually a child's idealistic version of a relationship where you are always going y=to be the central character without any real love, respect or consideration for the other person.

If you and DS are, as you say, so frightened of your husband, why on earth would you ever consider going back to him anyway? Surely you have a duty to protect your son from that? Or is that statement yet another of your frequnt exagerrations?

Here we go again....again and again

why do we bother monkey?

Why in the name of all that is holy would you a) want to go back to a man who frightens you and your child and b) imagine for a milisecond that anybody on here would encourage you to do so?

This reminds me of a friend of mine who goes to see endless mediums and tarot card readers etc until she gets one who says something she likes.

What is it you really hope we'll say about this mess?