Two kids, 23 months apart. Younger is now 4. Mad to have more kids?

[prettybutterfly]

I've got one (Asperger's and adhd) in year 1 and one (no SNs) at nursery 9-3, and am sahm. I'm so enjoying the space and time. I do some housework, I loaf about, I swim, I shop, I garden.

I'm enjoying being a little selfish after 6 tough years, and it seems a bit mad to go right back to BF and sleeplessness, but the idea of a third child just doesn't go away.

We always wanted 3 and we'd especially love a DD, though of course we're not too fussy about gender, only concerned about having another disabled child, which would be very, very tough for all of us.

Can't seem to get over it, but scared to go for it. The age gap between 2/3 would now be bigger than I'd like. However, I do prefer sahming to working and if I don't have another baby then I'll need to be doing some kind of work after DC2 goes into Reception (September). Can't put it off forever, but baby #3 is definitely nfinished business for us.

DH seems happy either way. He has reservations about his parenting ability, but I think he's a good dad, if a bit busy sometimes.

Wondered what you wise women thought.

Sounds like you've made up your mind to me

Some days I know it would be mad and I decide to just give it up!

My sis has 3 DC none with special needs, she's only gone slightly mad

I posted on a similar thread a couple of days ago- I have 3, and can honestly say I feel like I was meant to have (at least!) 3! When ds was born, I felt content- the way a cat is when she has had her all her kittens and is sitting purring (I know, it sounds a bit mad )

If you feel in your heart that it is right, then I would go for it, personally. the transition from 2 to 3 wasn't really all that bad (although I know others disagree!)

lol at you sitting purring like kitten

Jooly, yes it's mad but I know just what you mean!!

I know, I sound crazy!! I think before ds was born, DH was worried that I would be hankering after a 4th(he definitely didn't). I refused to commit one way or another, because I didn't know how I would feel, but when I had ds, I knew I was happy to be done, really (even though I can't shake the feeling that I will have 4, even if it isn't by choice!) It's almost like it's pre-programmed, somehow!

I have 2 and am pregnant with no3. We though about it for a long time from a finacial, going back throught the baby stage, me returning to work etc point of view and decided to go for it.

I have 1 at school (f/t) and 1 at nursery (2.5hrs a day) - will be at school in september so I did have to really consider if I wanted to be 'tied down' but I am very happy we have done it.

Time flies and if you have no3 - they will at school before you know it.

I think you both need to be sure you will copw with another SP needs child.

Tbh naturalbornmum, that's the biggest stumbling block. Trying for another is quite reckless, given that there's autism in the family. Part of me thinks it would be irresponsible to risk it. Part of me feels, quite strongly, that it will all be ok.

How would you feel if it was another DS with special needs?

Just asking, because it sounds to me like you want a DD.

OLI ... gutted, of course. I'd 51% like a dd, but we 100% would be distressed by having a child with sn. Because this time we'd be running the risk knowingly.

But the longing never leaves me.

PB - No one can make this descion for you (as you know) but the thing that made me think "sod it, lets go for it" was the strong beliefs that we may regret NOT having anothe baby but we would'nt ever regret having another and that what ever happened we would cope with it. Hope that helps.

Yes and no!

I wonder how we would cope. We'd have to. I know we would, but at what cost?

So I go round and round in my head, longing and doubting.

naturalbornmum do you have a child with sns then, and did you have more kids anyway? Tell me about it.

No SN - so no I can't tell you about it!! Sorry.

Hi There PB, i have 3 ds and am currently expecting no 4......My eldest at 6 yrs has special needs and we are currently in the process of getting a diagnosis of Aspergers/dyspraxia or a mixture of the two. We have good days and bad days, but i have to say that the good days are now outweighing the bad and hopefully when we get his diagnosis we will have even more good days when the support we need gets put into place. The gap between ds 2 and ds3 is 22 months and between ds3 and dc4 it will be 23 months, so i can relate to that too. Dc4 was a 'whoopsie' but we decided to continue with the pregnancy and take whatever life throws at us...........although i do have days when ds1 is having a bad day, ds2 is being a hooligan and ds doesnt even get a look in, and i wonder what the bloody hell we are doing!

Whatever you decide, i wish you the very best