Sleeping with the enemy UPDATE

[sleepingwiththeenemy]

Hi, last thread got a bit long so decided to start a new one. For those of you who know my other thread...ExH appeared in court and pleaded not guilty. He was charged with thirteen offences, 11 of them rape, one indecent assault and another offence which I don't even want to think about (against me). The case is now going to trial in May. BUT...the prosecution lawyer is now pushing for the original charge of sexual assault against DD2 to be resurrected and also child cruelty against my older 2. He said they should never have been dropped. I am having such mixed feelings, on the one hand I feel sick at the thought of my children going through the court system, but on the other hand I am elated because it was the sexual assaults against my baby which started this whole ball rolling. And that should hopefully put paid to him ever being allowed anywhere near any of us again.

Running alongside all of this is my divorce. I have been trying to get a divorce for 2 years, but my first solicitor made so many mistakes that the papers kept being sent back, then we fled and it was put on hold because of the much more important criminal investigation and trial. Anyway, divorce papers were sent, which he ignored. So process servers served the papers on him at court on 19th Dec, so we know he received them. He had 14 days to respond, which again he hasn't done. So now the solicitor says that we can apply to the courts for decree nisi regardless of his participation. Has anyone else had this? How long will it take to obtain decree nisi?

DippyDino... Me too xx

sleepingwiththeenemy - well done for being so strong about this. I hope that the charges relating to your DCs are included. Purely from a practical point of view, it is perceived to be better for all the charges to be heard together because you are then more likely to get convictions for them. Defence lawyers usually fight to have the charges heard separately for two reasons 1) in the hope that Prosecution will drop some of the 'lesser' charges and 2) The other offences frequently won't be mentioned because it is 'prejudicial' and so therefore they are less likely to be convicted by a jury that don't know about other behaviour.

MadMarg...thanks, that's interesting to know. I hope they are included too, and all heard together.
Mumsnet has been invaluable to me, as I am fighting this alone. I have nobody really to lean on in RL. I don't know many people up here, certainly not well enough to talk about it to. My mother doesn't want to know, and despite being aware of the court dates etc so far has not once asked what the outcome has been, or what's happening. I tried to tell her what he did to myself, and the children and she snapped 'I don't want to hear this' and started talking about something else. So I've stopped even trying with her, I feel very let down. My sis is very supportive but unfortunately lives in Oz. My brother doesn't even know as my darling mother doesn't want him to know as it would be shameful!!!! Like we're the ones who have done something wrong. DD2's head master has been brilliant, but I can't keep going to him just to talk. So at times I feel like the least brave person in the world, and I just want to sink down in the corner and sob but I can't even cry anymore. Sorry, rant over

Mumsnet is always here for you, any time of day or night, never too busy, and is unable to imagine a subject that is taboo.

Hang on in there.

hugs

Well i popped into this thread this morning, then went off to find your origional thread just to get the jist of your background (and because i'm a nosey fecker)

And I have spend the best part of today glued, reading your posts with my jaw by my feet

You truely are an inspirational, strong, heroic woman

I want to put my arms through the internet and hug you and your lovely brave family!

Sleepingwiththeenemy have only just read this think you are amazing.I have prosecuted lots of child abuse cases the more complainants there are the easier it is to secure convictions

I am new to MN so didn't read your original thread.
I think if the children are old enough you should see what they want to do. I agree that if the charges against them are able to be included now then it is better, if his conviction stops him hurting other children!
Good Luck!
Hugs xx

Rooting for you here too- I spent a day like vinegar tits reading your story a few months ago, and I think I posted when you were on the web in the library! I'm so hopeful that you will get some justice and peace now - I'll be thinking of you, and if you ever need to chat I can be found here at all sorts of odd hours! All the best x x x

swte - I too think you are a remarkable woman - you are only human, too, wanting to curl up and cry has got to be normal after all the time you spend being Supermum. I am sorry about your mum - you have truly broken the cycle though - another inspiration.