do I fly to wedding at 5.5 months pg??? help!

[monkey]

I wonder if any of you can help me see my way through this dilema.

My cousin gets married beginning July in Essex.

I live in Switzerland and will be about 5.5 months pg then. Journey is about 9-10 hours door-to-door. For me & dh & 2 sons to come it will cost over £600 & is too much for the boys (2 & 3) in just 1 weekend. (We're coming already to UK in August so cannot take any longer in July).

I looked at just me coming. That will also cost over £300 which seems mad.

I've hardly seen cousin in last few years, I don't think he cares 1 way or t'other if I'm there or not. Problem is his mum, my aunty, who I really like - about the only sane member of my family. I don't want to upset her. It's also difficult cos she's frightened of planes, trains, tunnels, etc etc so she can't come to see us in Switzerland, & she longs for grandchildren, has none, so is really besotted with my sons, but can't come & see them, so misses them., But then, I reckon it's too much (tiring & financial) to bring 'em anyway.

I told dh yesterday that I'd decided not to go. He was a bit disapproving really and thinks I should go, so now he's said that, maybe I am being really ignorant & selfish & should go. Please help me decide - I guess I need to let 'em know asap! Thanks

Hi monkey, well, I don't think I would go. £300 to attend the wedding of someone you aren't particularly close to seems excessive. Could you make arrangments to see her for a bit in August instead when you're over anyway? Sounds like a reasonable compromise to me...

personally I would go as i love family weddings! It is tiring, but if you go alone you may find that it's almost a relaxing day - I travelled to the UK while 6 months preg and just wallowed in the attention.

But will it really cost that much? Have you looked at flying Easyjet/Ryanair?

It does sound a lot. Perhaps you could get away with not upsetting your auntie if you promise to go and see her for a day or two when you're over in august - I'm sure she will understand.

ooh - posted nearly the same advice at the same time as you www! must be right then...

But if you're going to the UK in August, anyway, why not see your Aunty then, and not worry about the wedding? Wedding guests are expensive, anyway, so I expect your cousin won't mind too much if you aren't there for the event, too.

have to agree with the other comments so far.

Thanks - It's definitely near the £300 figure - plus hubby would have to take day off work, Approx £30 return rail to airport, £80 return flights with easy jet, about £20 or £30 return rail in London (probably more) at least £100 2 nights stay in hotel - aunty & cousin can't put up, & that's before I have to buy a dress just for the wedding - when else will I be as big as a bus & somewhere posh - never! & that's all before I cough up on a wedding present, and assuming I don't eat or buy any drinks during the course of the week end.

I guess not going is what ,I would do, but terrified of upsetting aunty (last time I spoke to her, she said "casually", in a really strained voice - "no preassure or anything' - which of course means the opposite.

Well, I wouldn't dream of going .......... not that I am that keen on weddings anyway! I'm not even going to a family reunion in this country because I can't face the thought of a four hour drive with a two year old!! Last year my DS was christened & quite a few family members couldn't make it (same four hour drive) which I quite understood - I really don't know why people take offence as such things.

It is perfectly reasonable to explain the circumstances to your aunt and tell her that you are really looking forward to seeing her in August and hearing all about the wedding them. You could send her a 'slushy' letter (or flowers - cheaper than flying) as well nearer the time saying that you are thinking about them all & hope they have a lovely day etc etc.

Thanks a lot again - Lindy - your very forthright answer has made me laugh. I'm writning the "i'm sorry..." card right now - thought that's just the easy bit - it's to my cousin, and like I said, I'm sure he couldn't care less. The hard bit will be telling my aunty...

monkey if money, time and energy were in unlimited supply I'd say go, but as all of them are limited, if it was me I would not go.
You sound like a lovely person to be concerned about how your aunty will feel about this!

Message withdrawn

am in a similar situation myself. although there is no specific occasion to visit. split up with ex before i found out that i was pregnant and moved back with parents in the channel islands. he (and ds' grandparents) live nr manchester so to visit them means a plane to the mainland (£150 at least)a train up north (£70) and a whole days travelling, alone with bags, puschair and 3month old ds.

i completely understand you having doubts about the journey. for me, it is important for ds to have an active relationship with his "other family" so i make the sacrifice, however i think that if it was simply for their benefit and not ds' then i would be more aprehensive.

do whatever YOU think is best and what YOU can manage. after living all over the place on the mainland, at first i tried to visit everyone however after a few attempts, now (other than the grandparents) i go to one place and anyone who wants to visit us is welcome. its a real eye opener to see how many "friends" are prepared to make the journeys when the shoe is on the other foot.

one of the main things that having ds has taught me is you have to be selfish sometimes and look out for yourself and ds/dd.

good luck and i hope it all works out.