Dont understand ex partners behaviour, Can anyone help

[MUMDONEGOOD]

About 9 years ago I split up with partner we have a dd together as he was seeing other women. In the last year he has asked to move in with me as apparently he was staying with friends but had to move on. Last September after he stayed with me for four months I found out that he was actually living with the same woman he was seeing when him and me first got together. She had gone on holiday but was emailing him telling him how much she missed him. For some reason she cant phone him until her dad goes to bed. When he moved in with me he acted like we were back together, but she thought he was sleeping on my sofa. Anyway, xmas day he moved in again apparently just till the end of this month. He again is acting as though we are together but not sleeping in my bed and keeps telling dd how much he loves her (never used to do this before). Now he is getting texts all the time and disappearing. We arent back together according to him but he called me darling once. Does anyone have any idea whats happening. Am I being used?

Yes you are.

I have no idea what's happening, he sounds nuts, but why is it your problem? I wouldn't let him move in - would just say that much as you're pleased that you get on well with co-parenting, it muddies the waters to have him staying with you and it's confusing for DD and therefore not fair on her.

He sounds like a total mind-game player. Deeply, deeply unhealthy. Have as little to do with him as possible.

Yes, you're being used. It would be good if you could be friends, for your DD's sake, but he is taking the piss. Why is he unable to get his own place? Does he just move from available female to available female? Get rid, and move on - he's messing you about.

If he was really serious about showing himself what a great father and partner he could be....then his actions need to prove it.

Talk to him. Perhaps he needs to move out until you are both sure what you want. If he was really serious about making a future work with you, he'd need to dump the other woman and show you and gain your trust back.

DO you want to be used like this?

He's swinging the lead. Boot him out - you and DD deserve better. Don't waste your life.

ps. by the sounds of it, hes having his cake and eating it too.

You deserve better.

even if you were to get back together with him (with no other women involved on his side) he would need to treat you better than this.

Asks me in front of dd whether he can move in. She is very attached to him. It would break her heart if I said no. Last time he moved all his stuff in which are apparently in storage, this time he hasnt. I know I have to be strong but its hard when dd knows whats happening.
He cant get credit to get his own place. I went out for the first time in ages on Saturday and he wouldnt look after dd. He asked me why I am so shady about where I'm going etc. He wants me to go to these weird parties with him and looks at a lot of porn. How do I get rid without hurting dd.

Also, I am very lonely most of my friends are in a couple and family is not around. I'm frightened of being on my own completely with just dd. How do I get a life when I am unable to get out to meet people. I sometimes feel he is better than having no-one. I feel so low, I dont know how to move on myself.

Yes you are. You are also not being fair on your DD (although I feel for you being lonely and isolated) but you cannot allow this to happen. He's using you for a room and board and (presumably) sex while he has another woman. He's uding your DD to emotionally blackmail you into letting this continue. You know it will be worse in the long run for your DD if you let him break her heart for real - which he will if you let him move in. Nip this in the bud NOW. He sees his daughter out of the home which you will facilitate but no more.

Poor you MDG, you sound lonely and confused, but this is really not the best reason for allowing your ex back into your life.

How old is dd? Can you get out to meet other women either with her, or when she is at school / nursery etc.

It is really important that you take care of your own needs - you are always worth it. What kind of things make you feel happy, what do you enjoy? Do some of that. Then you will feel stronger in yourself and more able to be firm with him.

good luck