I feel he resents me

[Molly100]

Not bragging, but he is rich and we have been married for years. Whenever there is any little upset, words spoken or anything, he always tells me I am ungrateful. I am not, even though I tell him people less wealthy than us have a better lifestyle. I am guilty of saying this and I know it probably offends him but so do all the crappy things he says about me offend me also. So that part of it really is tit for tat. But I really feel he resents any money he gives me as I am so called 'ungrateful'. I hate it, its not nice or fair. As I pointed out, if I wasn't at home raising the DC or cleaning the 'big' house (he won't pay for cleaner), then I would be out there earning my own money. But even then, for years I emotionally supported him without complaint when we had 'nothing'. This may sound like a whining, ungrateful moan but really it isn't. I do want to feel loved (which I do not), appreciated (again I do not feel it). Worst of all when I express how I feel, he just calls me 'not normal, you are never happy, you are ungrateful etc. If I could trade to a smaller house but have a tighter family unit, believe me, I would do it tomorrow, Money does NOT bring happiness, well not in my house anyway.I feel so so sad that he obviously feels so little for me that he can be so rude and unfeeling. Sorry, feeling pretty low at the moment.

He sounds mean, he doesn't value your contribution. He doesn't see you as his equal. He uses his superior wealth to justify his sense of entitlement.

It doesn't sound like an ungrateful whine to me. I know from experience this can send you crazy. My x had NO comprehension of the fact that ALL the sacrafices made for parenting had been mine. Regardless of his high salary, he saw me as ungrateful. In his eyes, I was put on the planet to meet his needs and revolve around him. The idea that I might have had a salary and a life of mY own if I weren't simply playing a part in HIS life entirely past him by.

Your husband is the one who is ungrateful.

hey mol what do you mean he is rich, you are rich too no shame there as you also say you supported him emotionally that is usually what any wife would do so he is the ungrateful one don't feel bad at all, my advice start saving for your rainy day becoz if things go wrong, emotional support does not come with a bankstatement,

I have this too! What is it with high flying men? Does getting a good job come with a high price to pay for everyone else around the man?

H is in line for yet another promotion and rather than celebrating his success as I used to, I'm dreading him becoming even more work obsessed and self absorbed.

He's never really been stingy, and I do have a cleaner (only 2 hrs a week which scrapes the surface) but there have been occasions when I've mentioned the dc's need new shoes or whatever, and he's said, can't we get another few weeks out of those ones? And he wondered why dc needed a proper lunchbox for preschool, (£5!) and why a tupperware box wouldn't do..

I regularly offer to downsize from our big house, trade in my new car etc so that we can have a better quality of life with him at home more. I think they become addicted to climbing up the career ladder.

Hmmm! This all sounds so familiar, Just so as you know my divorce cost me a small fortune even though he left me, and he also benefited from the career progression I helped him obtain. I only get a small attachment to his pension (so long as I don't remarry) and although I stayed in the family home, I also kept the mortgage and never saw anything of the extra we had borrowed for essential maintanance.
Nevermind though at least I can have what I work for now which is a world away from being kept without and made to feel shit!
He has the cheek to tell people (the children included) that he "gave" me the house - haha!

You do sound ungrateful! I'm not trying to be v annoying (although I'm sure I am), but saying that other couples with less £ have better lifestyles than yours is vvvv ungrateful-sounding. It devalues his contribution absolutely, and - bearing in mind he probably is vv proud of his success - pushes you apart.

I don't have a high-achieving DH so I don't understand the pressures it must bring (and I do believe it must bring lots), but I really don't think that you're handling this in the best way. If it's tit-for-tat in your house, why not stop moaning and start being grateful and maybe that will go tit-for-tat too?

Beautiful, I get your point re devalues his contribution - I guess I never looked at it like that. Without trying to sound ungrateful, I suppose I feel upset that he keeps the vast majority of his earnings in the company as he doesnt want to pay tax which means his take home pay is considerably less than his earnings and this in turn gives us a lifestyle very different to his earning. Yes you can call me ungrateful for 'wanting more' but only because I know there is a 'lot more' to be had but HE chooses what to bring into the house but his earnings do actualy allow for us to have the most luxurious lifestyle yet we do not. He had not a penny when we met and I totally downgraded the way I shopped and lived for years without a single complaint, then we both worked for years,until the DC came along, the rest is history.