My dp seems really unhappy and I am running out of energy to deal with it. It?s an ongoing theme in our relationship that he gets into a spiral of despondency every so often and I have to work really hard to bring him out of it. It?s partly work - he?s never really had a career plan (he?s a ?work to live? rather than ?live to work? person) and fell into teaching, which he enjoys sometimes and sometimes it gets him down ? general teaching stuff familiar to anyone who looks at the teaching threads. He works three days a week ? we made the decision after our second child was born that he would scale down his work as I earn much more than him, plus my job is more flexible and I can work at home/ round the kids. We both commute to work which takes an hour each way (I work at home two days a week).
We have talked about all this endlessly but the bottom line always seems to be he feels trapped in a job he doesn?t like ? he talks a lot about being 40 in a couple of years. I know how hard it is to get out of teaching - my dp is not qualified for anything else and the job has a lot of benefits in terms of how our life ?works? eg he?s around for the holidays, we manage to get by on minimal childcare and both manage to spend a lot of time with the kids. I think he is also beginning to worry about how he has compromised his job prospects by being a semi-stay-at-home parent for two years although he?s a brilliant, very hands on dad and loves spending time with the children.
We haven?t been getting on that well, partly because we have both been ill on and off for the last couple of months. He?s fed up with our lack of social life (but makes no effort to keep up with his friends or to arrange time alone for the two of us outside the house ? I?m the social secretary in our house as well as everything else and I?ve lost enthusiasm for doing it). Prime example ? it?s his Easter holidays at the mo and I?m the one who?s been trying to ensure he gets a break from the kids eg by doing some swops with friends, taking time off myself so that he doesn?t spend the whole time with them.
I feel really frustrated with him, partly because I think that no-one enjoys their job 100 per cent of the time (I certainly don?t) and you have to just get on with the more difficult bits of it while maybe having a plan to get somewhere else. I feel like he wallows and drifts! Another part of me resents the fact that I have to work full time ? I wish sometimes he did have a great career that would enable me to work a bit less ? I?d like another child but as I am the main breadwinner we can?t really fund another maternity leave.
Reading this back it seems like one long moan and I?m not even really sure what I?m asking advice on. Maybe a way to deal constructively with my DP whilst not feeling resentful that I always have to be the strong one? He is the one for me but I feel like we have lost our way a bit and might be drifting towards trouble in our relationship.