Its so hard staying at dads with ds, but what can I do?

[ratbunny]

bugger. I really dont know how to deal with this. my dad is bossy, over protective and quite negative.
I stayed with him for a few days over christmas with my nearly 2 yr old. It was very difficult.

dad wouldnt let ds touch anything. It was all dont do that, sit still, stop that, and even worse - dont touch that (a light!) because it will burn your hands off, or don't do that (running) cos you will fall over and break your legs or dont touch that table becuase its got glass in it and it'll cut your hands off! I dont know how much he understands these concepts, but he is very bright and quick on the take up, and is very verbal (already speaking in proper sentences). I just dont think these are good things to say to a 2 yr old.

ds became quite 'naughty' cos he was getting a lot of attention for doing 'naughty' things. so - dont touch that (a table), ds will carry on touching it, I remove him and explain not to touch it etc, he goes back, no distrction works. Eventually we have tantrums galore. He usually plays alone really well, and I KNOW this is somewhere out of the house, but everytime he played alone dad would start telling him what to do. The end result is that he was VERY difficult to keep entertained, as he was getting a lot of attention and a lot of it was negative.

Now I know this is dads house, and his rules apply, and that everyone interacts differently with children. But he wants me to come visit with ds, but it is so bloody HARD. I am exhausted by the end, as I have to keep removing ds from 'trouble' and dealing with tantrums.

I already feel that I am constantly asking dad to think about what he says to ds (ie not that he will cut his hands off or break his legs), or asking him to just let him play (when he plays alone, without touching anything dad doesnt want him to touch), or to use no when its really important rather than constantly. I dont want to do these things - I dont want to have to constantly intervene. But if I dont poor ds gets so frustrated and tantrums or gets 'naughty', and really I dont need that!

any advice?

Can your dad come to yours and stay and see your ds in his home environment? It seems like your dad has forgotten or perhaps has never known what it is like to have a toddler in the house.

No advice really ratbunny we have the same thing with fil and step mil who has never had children.

They have a very calm, cultured life and then we descend every now and then with 2 dds who are very well behaved but they can't cope!

My dds are older now (4 and 7) so I can explain to them that they have to be calmer as Grandad isn't used to little children anymore but it makes me sad and frustrated that Grandad just concentrates on the negatives rather than enjoying the positives of having two little girls who would adore him if he played with them/talked to them on their level a bit.

As Heated says, it has always been easier (still a few classic moments!) to have them at our house.

Just rise above it!