Mum said I ruined NYE

[Cupofteaplease]

I got very upset at midnight last night- I just wanted my Dad. I've spent most of my NYEs with him during my life, even as a teen as I enjoyed his company and would choose it over my friends' for that special night of the year. He died in March, and I've done well with not crying in public, but at midnight, I couldn't help it. It was only my mum, my dh and I.

However, she has told about 3 different people today (on the phone, and to my PIL in person) that she had a horrible NYE as I ruined it by getting upset.

I'm embarrassed enough about crying like a baby, I don't think her telling everyone will help.

Why is she trying to humiliate me, and make me feel even guiltier for something I could hardly help?

I don't think you should spend NYE with her again

do you feel strong enough to ask her why she felt the need to tell people?

Oh no, RIMOD, she's not a bitch. Really. (But thanks for the hug!)

She just doesn't 'do' emotion. I just don't understand the repeating what happened to other people.

March is hardly any time ago, {{hugs}} Horrible of her to tell people. Don't feel embarrassed, it was obviously a special time you used to share with your dad. {{hugs}}

It's easy to tell why you were closer to your dad. Don't feel guilty about crying, it's a sad time for you. My dad died in May and I have spent time over christmas thinking about him. You are still grieving.

poor you totally unfair of her

Jesus, that's awful. Were your parents still together when your dad died.

I'm sure she too has had a lot to go through and NY was probably difficult for her too.

I'm sorry you had a hard time on NYE

What did your dh say?

Oh you poor thing.

It is up to her if she wants to keep things in but you are fully entitled to show emotions and express your feelings and you should not be made to feel bad about that.

och no, that's not fair. i'm sure the people she was talking to thought she was most strange. it's hard goiing through those first christmases and new years, you need to cry.

it comforted me, i must say, when someone pointed out that every one of those 'firsts' is also a 'last', because you'll never have to go through it again.

Sorry to hear about your dad, scrooged.

I feel like it's a kick in the teeth, because of her 5 children, only I made the effort to got to her home to ensure she was not alone for NYE- I love her very much, but realistically knew I wasn't strong enough to be in my dad's house on such a poignant occassion without getting upset.

I just wanted to stay at home this year, but nobody else was going to her house, so I went (as I have done for the past however many years) to keep her company. Clearly I made an error of judgement- she would have been happier alone

{{{{Hugs}}}}} you need 'em, your perfectly entitled to feel grief over the loss of your dad. I think your mum is like my mum and just tries to hide how she feels over these things (where as I'm a big softie)

Aitch, you are right- I will never have that first Christmas or New Year without Dad, and I've already done Father's day and my dc's birthdays. So just mine and his birthday to go in January and we're done

Yes, my parents were very happily married when he died.

dh didn't say anything, as far as I'm aware! I think because I was fine one moment, then hysterical the next, he thought I was a bit mad

Mum just doesn't like emotion and 'requested' in a round-about way that my db and I didn't cry at his funeral so we wouldn't show ourselves up in front of his work colleagues. So we didn't. I think she has issues with grief tbh.

for you - is she one of those stiff-upper-lip types? I remember being at my ex-fiance's grandmother's funeral years ago and being the only one crying (obv. I was too low class ) as the rest of them (all her actual family) were being terribly stiff upper lipped about it. I was at their seeming callousness.

Some people just don't "get" the emotion thang.