So, do I contact him, or wait for him to get in touch (will see him tomorrow anyway!)

[hard2get]

We have been friends for a very long time, through work.

At the start of 2008, I first became aware that he had "feelings" for me, which was a complete surprise to me. Gradually, through the year, we have become closer and I have really enjoyed the time we spent together. It's been lovely because we became really close friends before anything actually happened between us, we didn't kiss until September!

In the last couple of months he has said he loves me lots, which I have found difficult to say back, mainly because (apart from to my DCs) it's just not something I say and I feel strongly that you need to be sure before you say it. We have taken things very slowly (haven't slept together) because we didn't want to be laughing stock at work(no-one knows), because our break ups are very raw and because of our children. DCs know we are friends, but nothing more. We are both middle aged and he (bless) says he never expected to feel this way again. We don't actually see each other that much outside of work, for the above reasons and because of the babysitting issue.

We met up at a customer hospitality thing on Boxing day and had a lovely afternoon and took our DC's to the same thing on Sunday, but had agreed we wouldn't be in touch over the hols because our priority was the DCs and trying to get along with our DC's other parents. Both single, although technically still married and everything still very new re sharing Christmas etc. So we haven't been in touch (as agreed) since Sun.

I will see him at work tomorrow. He is always an early starter and I will be early tomorrow if traffic is light, so was thinking of suggesting a coffee before work and I don't understand why I'm so nervous about it. Gosh that turned out long for such a simple dilemma

Go for it.

Definitely go for it.

Good luck.

If you and this person get closer and things go sour, will you be able to keep working where you are? If you did have to leave where you work, can you get the same type of job with the same hours and money....thinking of the worsted case.

2 adults in something happy and perhaps moving into the "consenting" department can be awkward, but adding children into the equation makes things much harder.

Sometimes you are better off keeping what you have at the level you have because the loss (including baby sitter) could make you much worse off.

The (in my view) more important thing to be clear about is what your intentions and feelings are....so you and he know exactly what's agreed and not agreed.

Taking a step forward , at the moment contains an element of "not 100% sure". If you stand firm for 6 months to a year and then reconsider your options, you might be better in a position to know if things have stayed the same, got worse or better. Getting better or stay the same suggests good. Worse off without added emotional feelings still helps. Regretting a hasty decision later cannot be seen as helpful.

6 months to a year worth of "lost good times" can be made up in a life time.

Flippin heck N1 it was only coffee at 8:30am !!

We had the coffee. It was good to catch up on what we'd been up to over the hols, but I wouldn't say it's moved anything forward.

We're both very aware of the complications of children and working together, which is why things have moved so slowly this far. TBH, it's really nice just to have a good close friend.

Having a good close friend in days like today is invaluable....perhaps the friend is almost worth their weight in gold.

The loss of such a friend can happen by trying to give and get just a bit more than good friends give or take.